Survey says … Premonition

Damn!  Damn! Damn!

A storm blew into our marriage in 1987 & 1997.  The one in 1997 had us separated, seeing other people and possibly moving away from each other, to the opposite ends of the country.  Only by God’s grace did we stay together.  When 2007 arrived and things were still going well, I figured our little cycle was broken.  Then I started waiting for the other shoe to fall.

It finally did last night, two years late.  Words were pretty close to my head confrontation, however, instead of my sis’ house in Vegas, it was in the church parking lot before Christmas service.  Nice!

I think what hurt me the most was being told that I’m not supportive.  F–k!  Seriousely?  For 28 effin years I haven’t been supportive … ARGH!!!!!!!!  

So, the 2007 storm blew into my life in 2009.  It must have been hung up by the mountains or something.  I’m just hanging on to God’s hand.  I know He’ll get me through this tornado that has landed smack in the middle of my world.  I just have to have the courage to face what is waiting for me on the other side of this cyclone.

Voices in my head

The other day I blurted out to hubby that he was a “F-in grump!”  Yeah, that didn’t go too well.  But OMG, lately all that has been coming out of his mouth has been negative this, negative that … blah blah blah …

I work with someone like that all day … and to come home to that all night …   I exploded and out it came.   *sigh*

He’s getting better and I’m trying also … I still cringe at the hint of negativity.

You know when you have conversations in your head, a role play if you will, of what may or may not happen?  Come on, admit it … you know what I mean! 

Well, while playing Bejeweled Blitz, I had a whole conversation going through my brain with hubby, then it turned into a full blown fight.  I’m actually still seething from this “in my head” confrontation.  

So is this a warning? Or is this a premonition of what is to come?  Or is this just that I’m “effin crazy?”

Friends from the past

We lived in Nebraska for 9 years.  Thinking about it, I had more friends there than I have had anywhere else, Vegas included.  Sure there were school mates of which a few were close friends, but not many.

If I’m at a party full of strangers or acquaintances, I just stand around and people think I’m snobby.  In reality, I’m just not comfortable making small talk.  Sometimes if the background noise is too loud, then I can’t hear and I don’t like to ask them to keep repeating themselves.

Why am I bringing this up … again? 

Two things really.  The first is we have a Christmas party on Monday.  I’ve taken a vacation day, so we only have to drive to the lake once on that day.  The party is at the judge’s house, so people hubby works with will be there.  I know a few of them, as they used to work for hubby when he was in dispatch.  The rest I’ve seen from afar.   I’m going to try and step out of my comfort zone and mingle.  LOL, but we’ll see.

The second, I’ve connected with someone in Lincoln.  I haven’t talked to her in awhile.  She started out as a customer for the company I worked for.  We would laugh and have really good conversations.  When we connected recently, she had mentioned how much she missed our chats.  It made me realize, not only did I miss our chats, but I also had many friends.

The saddest is that I’ve also lost more friends/acquaintances there than I have anywhere else.  So many of the ladies I worked with (one was a good friend) have died from cancer.    Another one has had a tragedy in her life by the death of her son.   I’ve lost touch with her all together.  Which makes me even sadder.  Others I’ve lost touch with because of whatever circumstances happened that created friction. 

I think because of this, I don’t let people get close.  I don’t expose my underbelly, so to speak, because I’m afraid of getting hurt.    The friends I have here are the people I work with, especially the office manager and the salesman.  The company has dwindled down, so we are small enough to know what is going on with the other employees. 

However, the most intimate friends I have are y’all that read this blog.  I don’t use that “keep at a distance” voice when I’m talking.  It’s just me, my thoughts and your eyes.  

So I thank you all for being a part of my life and letting me into yours with your comments and with the exposure of your underbelly on your own blogs. 

There is one of you, Sweetiegirlz, that I have met in person.  She is a doll and I really wish we were geographically closer so we could hang out together.    The rest of you, I’m glad we’ve met here on wordpress and maybe one day in person.

Dribbling coffee pot … good day or bad?

I have a little black Mr. Coffee maker.  It makes enough to fill two mugs of coffee, which is  my limit.  There are days I can pour my coffee and it fills the cup just fine.  Then there are days it dribbles down the side.  Granted those days are few and far between, but does it have to happen at all?

As I was cleaning up the dribble, I got to thinking … yes, always a bad thing, this thinking thing … my thought was … is it going to be  a good day or bad day?

It’s a good day as it is the start of five days off for me.  Bad day because it’s a doc day and we didn’t do what we are supposed to do … get our blood work, get more test strips, eat right, exercise, yadda, yadda, yadda … yeah, I’m thinking it will be a not so good appointment. 

But come on, December is the eat crappy month!!  There’s the Thanksgiving fallout, my birthday, Christmas Parties, Christmas Day, our anniversary and  New Years … all of which require, pie, ice cream, cake, fudge, brownies, cookies, killer cinnamon rolls and definately candy … in the words of Garfield, “Candy, Candy, Candy!!”  For a sugarholic like me, December is not a good month.

So, why oh why, would I get my test strips AND why in the heck would I get my blood work done?!?!?!?  There is a method to my madness … lol … yeah, okay, so it makes sense in my twisted world!!

After stating all this, I have lost the weight challenge … LOL … I kinda fell off the diet wagon and landed face first in the “all bad for you but tastes so damn good” wagon!!  That’s okay, I’ll just have to scrape my pennies together so I can afford the steak dinners … lol !!  I’m just glad our friend is doing well, otherwise his doc was going to, as he puts it, cut his stomach in half!  He has enough going on in his life and doesn’t need to have that also.

Those of you that have followed along for the past few years, know I’m gung ho at the beginning and then peter out midway … lol … I’m one of those that wants instant, right now, can’t wait types of people when it comes to these things (story writing, weight loss, projects).  Oh crap, it just dawned on me that I lost my story I was writing last year when the computer crashed.  I wonder if I was smart enough to save it to a disc … lol … yeah right … dang, dang, dang!!!  

I would love to be one of those people that can write their stories on paper.  The only thing is my brain thinks faster than my hand does.  I find writing and typing is easier … but … then I forget to go that extra step and SAVE it on something other than my hard drive.   This has happened to me twice.  I have two stories partially written and I’ve lost them both.   

Standing in a line doesn’t bother me as much, because I don’t have control over it, however, stories, projects, diets … yeah, I usually get impatient if it isn’t happening fast enough! 

Sex on the other hand … is a totally different story … LOL

I’ve told hubby that he needs to get writing his book.  So, Hubby, if you are reading this … get writing your book!!!!!!   LOL …  Just be sure to save it, so when our trusty computer crashes again, it’s still there.  Although he prints way faster than I can write (comes from many years of doing reports for the different agencies he’s worked for), so he may be writing his book on paper.   LOL … one just never knows about him!

Wow, that rolled in fast!  I just looked outside and we have freezing fog again.  I never knew what freezing fog or freezing rain was until we moved to Nebraska.  Or an Ice storm for that matter!  We were educated quite quickly as we moved there in December.  Come to think of it, we moved away from Nebraska in January.   Yes, we are nuts!!

Well, I’m going to wander around cyber space for awhile.  I’ve found a new game to play “Bubble Town” … lol … I have a thing about blowing things up.

While online window shopping, I came across a T-shirt that said, “Been there, Broke that!”   LOL … I thought it was perfect for the boys in my whole family!  Then I realized it also applied to me !!

Another day of my life

I’ve been trying to find something to send to my kids.  The grandbabies are taken care of and their gifts are in FedEx’s hands or I should say trucks.   I was looking at English Muffin catalogs, Salt Water Taffy from Montery (yummy store), Bessinger’s gourmet chocolates (even more yummy), Swiss Colony … you name it.  A little voice inside, brought me around … we all know this time of year is bigger than the commercial end of gift giving, fretting over gifts, etc.   I love it when I listen to His soft voice telling me what to do … so I did. 

We are going to Vegas for Christmas, weather permitting.  My niece makes killer cinnamon rolls, so I’m getting a lesson.   She used to live at this elevation, so she can also show me what I need to do to adjust the recipe.  I always forget what to add or take away.  My goal this year is to make a killer loaf of bread and rolls … so, hopefully this will be the start of a new hobby for me. 

Christmas is 10 days away … wow … the year is almost over.  2010, doesn’t that sound so  sci-fi-ish? 

Work is getting slower and slower.  Part of me thinks I should look for a part time job OR a whole new job all together.  I’m not sure any profession is recession proof right now.  So I’ll hang in where I am until I can no longer hang on.

Well, I hope y’all have a good rest of the week.  I’m ready going to bed.

It’s raining snow

There is no wind outside.  The snow is falling straight down. 

Are dark M&M’s a nutritional breakfast?  Better yet, they are the red and green holiday M&M’s.  I’m thinking they are.  Nothing else to do on a snowy birth day.  It’s supposed to snow all day through tomorrow.  And a possibility of Monday too.  Oh well, tis the season!

How do you eat M&Ms?  By the handfuls?  Or … do you separate them by color and eat them one at a time?  Or … do you separate them by color and eat one of each color?  My answer is yes … LOL … I’ve been known to do all of the above.  If it’s a small bag or a handful of M&Ms, I’ll separate the colors and either eat them one at a time or two and a time.  I have no idea why or when I started doing this.  I know it was in my recent adulthood, I think.

Yesterday was another trip to Reno.  I may be a grinch, however, we do try to get things for our grandbabies.  Our children … lol … well, you know … how it is … I’ll have to see what is left after the 5 grandchildren are taken care of.

Friday the weather and roads were so different from Thursday.  Coming home through Washoe Valley (where the pic was taken in my last post) it was darker as we hung out at Barnes and Noble until 5pm.  Driving home the sun was starting to hide behind the mountains & clouds.  By the time we got to Washoe Valley it was dark and snowing.  The roads were slick as was evident by the number of SUV’s that had slid off the road.  There were about 12 of them off the road and that was just the south bound traffic.    Four wheel drive is great … except when the road is slippery, then it’s four wheels a spinning.  Amazing how people forget that!  There were only a couple of cars, but it looked like they were part of a chain reaction accident.  The single vehicle slide offs, were SUV’s and 4-wheel drive trucks. 

Today we are not going anywhere.  I’m pretty tired from our two day wanderings and I have gifts to wrap.

Depending on the weather, we may travel to Vegas for Christmas.  You know me, everything is up in the air until it’s time to go.  So, that’s the plan … but one never knows.  Do we go, do we stay … decisions, decisions.

Trip to Reno

We went to Reno today.  Hubby had his yearly check up with the back surgeon.  All is still the same and his pain meds were renewed, since the pain hasn’t gone away.  It has eased up, just a bit, but at least he hasn’t had the numbness or pain down his leg.  His small toes are numb, but that is probably due to his ankle injury.

Our middle daughter sent us gift cards to Barnes & Noble.  We were going to go to take them with us, just in case we found something we wanted … but, duh … I forgot them on the kitchen counter.  So, maybe we will go back tomorrow. 

There is quite a bit of snow everywhere.  It looks pretty cool.  Here’s a picture along the highway in Washoe Valley on our way home.

The valley between Reno and Carson City, looking West

The clouds looked interesting … I heard the storm has been moved up a day and it’s expected sometime tomorrow night bringing a few more inches.  However, tomorrow is supposed to be in the 50’s … oooohh, a heat wave!   I was trying to avoid getting another pair of studded snow tires, but if the weather keeps up, I may have to do it.  *sigh* 

Tuesday morning we made it to the lake with no problem.  When I turned onto the street hubby works, I  did  a donut at the corner.  Luckily I was going slow AND luckily the oncoming car was able to stop and watch the show.    I laughed and said that it was a good thing it happened in front of the fire department, just in case I got stuck.  Dang, I really miss my studs.  What to do, what to do.  It’s only money.  ARGH!

WTF?

Sunday hubby brought out the Christmas decorations.  I was getting all festive with working at the church and told him it was okay to bring them in.  My neighbor lent us her small tree and it’s been sitting next to the TV with just the lights on.

I haven’t decorated in a long time.  The last time, all of our kids came for Christmas when we lived in the middle of nowhere in the high desert.  I want to say that was in 2002.   Since my children weren’t going to be around, I haven’t had a desire to decorate.   I don’t think I’ve ever gone all out with  decorations, just a tree and stockings for the kids and whatever Christmas cards we would receive and that was pretty much it. 

I opened the box to see what I still had to cheer up this lonely tree.  As I started going through the decorations and the mini stockings I had for each of my children and spouses, I started sobbing.  It was one of the most difficult things I had done in a long time.   I ended up using a few of our old decorations and put up a few new ones that I had bought at Michael’s.  I closed the box and I haven’t looked into the others.  I was surprised at how sad I was.  I had to close the box and put it away … I couldn’t go through them anymore. 

I was almost in a hysterical state.  I kept saying over and over … ” I can’t do this, I can’t do this … “  I have N E V E R done this before.  It freaked me out … I ended up going to bed and covering my head.  

Of course I was trying to hide this from hubby.  Finally when I settled down, I came out and told him that this was as much as I could do this year.  But, being a man, he didn’t totally get it.  He understands, but … men just aren’t wired the same way as women and he really didn’t get what I was going through.   I’m not sure I knew what I was going through.  I don’t blame him for looking at me like I’ve sprouted another head, but … well, you know … sometimes it would be nice if he would just totally get where I’m coming from and just fold me into his arms for some comfort.

Anyway, it’s taken me a couple of days to write about it.  So now, I’ll unveil my little “Charlie Brown” Tree

My little tree

I didn’t mean it!!

The other day when I titled my post “Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow” …  I really didn’t mean it!!!  By the time it stops snowing it will have dropped about a foot of snow.  We don’t usually get that much snow here in the valley.  So I can imagine what it’s like at the lake/mountains. 

No, I am not going to work.  Roads suck and this is a crappy feeling day for me, plus I need to shovel.  I’m just waiting for it to stop so I can get out there and clean off cars and shovel drives (ours and our neighbors).  I had hubby pull the truck up further under the carport so the house would keep the engine from freezing AND to keep from clearing snow off the truck.  However, the neighbor’s car is out in the elements and is covered. 

Around 6am this morning and it's still snowing (neighbor's car)

You can’t even see the mountains in the distance.  The newscasters keep telling everyone to stay home because the road are bad.  The snow plows are out, but they can only do so much to try to keep up with what is falling.

other neighbor's tree

At first I thought the lights were out, except for the bottom … but … duh, the snow has the other lights covered.    Hello, platinum blond here!!

Art mimicking nature or nature mimicking art

The tree across the street looks like part of the decorations in our church for Christmas.    I’ll have to see if I can get a picture of the auditorium and lobby sometime this week.  It looks really cool!

My KC sister called and I’m a new great aunt to a little boy.   Our mom had 4 girls and a boy.  My sisters had all boys, except my brother and me, we had one of each.  It looked like the offspring from the next generation were going to be girls.   My parents now have 20 great-grandchildren.  Of those, 11 are girls.  So, the boys are catching up.  I say that like there’s a chance for more … I’m thinking the X-Gen in our family is almost done.  Then again, we could be surprised.

I took a peak outside and dang, that white stuff is still falling.  Hopefully this system will leave soon!  I heard that Sacramento even got snow from this system. 

Well, I’m going to curl up in front of the fire and watch it snow.  Y’all have a good day!

I love a parade

Yesterday was my brother’s birthday.  I still whisper “Happy Birthday, Brother” in my head on this day.  I’m hoping he’s in a place he can hear my thoughts and that I’ll see him again.  With his birthday, my day follows the next week.  I had more anticipation when I was younger.  Now, it’s another step down that road of aging.  LOL !!

Yesterday, I did sit my rear on the couch most of the day and got caught up on the “Castle” shows we’ve recorded (5 of them).  The more I watch this show, the more I like it.  Around 4pm, hubby was noticing that our street was getting blocked off and cars were driving down the street only to back up and turn around due to the baracade.  Reason … The Parade of Lights !! 

Even through he wasn’t feeling good, we bundled ourselves up and walked the few blocks to the middle of town and waited for the parade to pass.  This was the first time to actually see this parade since we moved to this little town and to walk by the park’s gazebo all lit up.  Here are the pics, sorry for the blurriness.

The gazebo all lit up in the park down the street

Sheriff's D.A.R.E. Camaro with a lion?

I told my husband that I wanted to drive the D.A.R.E. car … but I didn’t think they’d let me zoom around town in it.

This was my favorite

I had to make it small, since it was blurry blown up … it looks really good on my phone … LOL

This morning my childhood neighbor sent me this pic … I laughed … was I really that young and small?

That's me on the left in the skeleton costume

I have no idea what we were doing, as I remember the costume, not the event.

Hope you are enjoying this time of year, even with the hussle and bussle of the season.  Make sure you carve out time to enjoy and take in the beauty of the lights, scenes and meaning of Christmas.