Rock It

A year has passed!  How time does fly.  The last post was a daily devotional I was doing.  I didn’t do the last day.  Another thing left not completed!  Was this by choice?  Was this laziness?  Was it that I lost interest?  I’d say a little of all!!

What I haven’t done is talk about my life with Scleroderma in a while.  Yes, I still have it.  Yes, I’m still  frustrated with it.  Yes, I still cannot type with it as my hands don’t stretch.  Which could also be a reason that I don’t blog like I used to.  I could get a mic and a program to turn my vocal words into typed words, but I’m afraid that I’d be misunderstood as much as Alexa misunderstands me!!  Of course, that would be an interesting post, in between my cuss words!!!

I’m still here and enjoying time with the grand-littles!!  I get tired easily but I’m trying to stay focused.  I wake up in the morning (ok, sometimes in the afternoon) and my brain has a list of things for me to do:  Laundry, vacuuming, dusting, scrub the floors, etc.  But, I don’t get too far as my body just laughs at my brain and its enthusiastic ambition.  I find that I only do what I have to in order to keep the health department away, but, this place is no where near as clean as I’d like it to be!!  It’s frustrating!!

Hubby’s been great at taking over what I my hands are limited doing.  He now cooks and does the dishes.  He’s getting adventurous with his culinary skills and dinners turn out great!  Not only does he cook and take care of the kitchen, he’s my driver and assists me in walking, putting on a jacket/sweater/button down shirt, etc.  My arms don’t go behind me to put these on anymore, so he has to assist.  It’s a disappointment to me that I’m losing this ability, but thankful that he’s here.

What I miss is my girl time with my friends.  I miss talking for hours escaping my house to visit in theirs or the park.  I miss wandering around the thrift stores to see what might be a great find!  I miss going to lunch with my girlees and just be girls!  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being near my son and his family, but, I do miss my friends!!

I have a friend that moved to Idaho.  We talk almost everyday by messaging.  She’s been my saving grace as I still  feel connected to her with the distance between us.  My face is taking on a 2 tone appearance.  Around my eyes & nose, the skin tone is light.  The rest of my face is a couple of shades darker.  I asked her today if I should rock the two tone or get makeup.  I LOVED that she said to rock it!!  I really don’t like wearing makeup!!

I have Scleroderma that is changing my skin, body & organs.  I could be ashamed & hide  or I could just carry on with my head held high and accept the changes that I’m going through.  I choose the latter, but, I do try not to complain.  I know I could be worse off than I am.  I know this disease could turn ugly, so I shall accept the changes and rock it with all I got!!

So get out there and rock your life!!  I’m sure going to rock mine!!!

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Shuddup, it’s my dayoff!!

That is what I’m telling my brain.  It keeps reminding me that I should go out and mow.  Instead, I’m answering long overdue emails and pretty much sitting on my rear in an already hot house. 

Our oldest daughter turned 32 on the 10th.  Thirty-Two … dang.  My baby son, turned 29 in July.  Next year will be a wierd year, as all three of our children will be in their 30’s.  Holy smokes … were did the time go?

The other day I woke up feeling funny.  I checked my blood sugar and it was 49.  Forty-nine!!  I was heading toward coma time, then dead!  I’m so thankful for waking up.   What I saw in my brain as I was waking was the Lost in Space robot, flailing his arms saying, “Danger,Will Robinson, Danger!”    I bet you can’t tell what show I watched while growing up!

I’m doing way better, had to adjust my meds and eat a bigger snack before bed.  My morning fasting sugars are the best they have been in a very long time.  Thank you SmartOnes, treadmill and walks with hubby.

Hubby is doing great!  He’s lost quite a bit of weight and he’s walking with me in the evening.  Plus he walks up to the physical therapist’s office to work out in his gym.  It’s nice to have my hubby back, one who wants to do something instead of sitting on the couch feeling miserable. 

One of my buds in NY posted this on FB.  Well, something along these lines as I can’t remember the full quote, but he said, let the gays have their marriage.  There’s no reason they shouldn’t be as miserable as the rest of us!   I laughed so hard.  Now … mind you … he LOVES his family and his wife, but he just cracks me up!     I can hear him saying that with his NY accent. 

Thinking about that, brought a question to my brain, which I’m going to ask all you married folks out there.  If you found yourself unmarried (spouse died, left, whatever …) would you marry again?

My answer right now is … no way!!!  Not because I don’t love my hubby, because I do.  Not because I’m not happy, because I am.  But we’ve been married going on 27 years, together for 28 yrs.  That’s a long time to know someone.  At the age I am right now, would I want to get to know someone like that again?  I dont’ think so.   I don’t have the energy for it.  If, God forbid, something happened to hubby, I would just go do what I wanted to do … who knows, maybe move to Belize and live off my retirement.  Maybe living on a caribbean island, my kids would then visit.  HAH, then again, maybe not, as they don’t visit now.    But, I would definately go somewhere near the ocean!

Yeah, okay, back to reality … it’s been a long road to the weekend.  The days took forever.  I turned the alarm off, thinking it was the weekend, only to figure out is was Wednesday.   UGH!

Same old stuff going on here.  The class of ’75 is having their high school reunion during Labor Day weekend.  I’m thinking of going, however, the day that would be the most fun is Friday night at the mixer.  Unfortunately, I have to work Friday so, not sure if I’m going to make it.  I’d actually graduated in the class of ’76, but the class of ’75 opened their reunion to the class of ’74 and ’76, since we all were at the school at the same time.  I think it would be a hoot!!  But, I guess we’ll see.  I may end up going to Saturday night, but I think Friday would be the best. 

Wow, already 10:30am … I guess I had better go.  Nice talkin’ at ya!  Y’all have a great weekend!!!!!!!!

21st?

It’s the evening of the 21st already!  Where did this month go? 

My sister and her husband came up last weekend.  We had a good time and it was too short as usual.  The bad part is that it was so hot up here and with no A/C, it didn’t cool off in the house until late evening.  

Our family has really helped us out.  We are in the process of losing our truck and the people who bought the loan from our lender were not nice.  Thanks to our middle daughter and son-in-law, we now have a vehicle to drive, when our truck gets taken away.  Thanks to the rest of our family who pitched in and sent us funds to help with what’s needed for the vehicle/bills, etc. 

The car we received is sporty and so much fun to drive!  It’s a 2000 Toyota with over 200k miles.  It’s also red … “Radar Me” red.  So I’m going to be the grannie driving slow, in a sporty car!  LOL, well, that is until I get used to being so close to the ground and shifting gears with a sports clutch. 

We’ve had it at our mechanics to run a diagnostic check.  The only thing it needs is a new catalytic converter and the gas shocks for the trunk.  Both of these things have been ordered and until they come in, I get to drive it. 

So, wish me luck as I make the trip up and down the mountain tomorrow.  The highway is already like a race track, I’m hoping I can contain myself and not go crazy!  LOL, did I mention this is the type of car I’ve wanted since I was 16 years old …  it’s a Celica.    I’m nervous and excited to drive it tomorrow.  I had to drive it around my neighborhood tonight to get used to the clutch, gears and 6-speeds.   I just have to leave my lead foot at home!!

This is the reason for my sis’ visit.  She and her husband brought the car to us.  They were going 90 mph on the highway from Vegas to here.  I’m surprised they didn’t get stopped.

Double wammy

So how was everyone’s double Monday?  That’s what I call the Tuesday after a Monday holiday.  Our office was busy, we had little rushes here and there and I still had things in my basket to do when I left.  That is such a good feeling!!  I’m working Tues., Wed. & Fri. this week.  I would be working Thursday, however, that’s the day hubby gets the stint and packing out of his nose!  YAY!

Our salesman came down with pneumonia.  He came in for a couple of hours today.  He didn’t look well and hopefully his couple of hours in the office didn’t set him back on recovery time.  Now the co-owner that stays in the office is also sick.  Not thrilled, but we each have antibacterial wipes at our desk so we can wipe the phones, calculators, keyboards … whatever the sickies touch, gets wiped down. 

Hubby is doing so much better now that he’s getting sleep.  He’s healing like he should and we can’t wait for Thursday.  He has strings hanging out of his nose, which are attached to the stint.  These strings are taped to his cheeks, so he looks like he has a pencil thin mustache, just misplaced.  He’s back to eating solid food  as long as he chews well.  Of course he hasn’t had anything sharp, like chips or fried anything.  I did pan fry some tilapia, but then I added water to the pan and steamed it a bit so the breading wasn’t hard. 

The good thing about hubby’s surgery is that we’ve both lost weight.  I’m trying real hard to not over-eat, which is my biggest problem!

So how was your holiday?  Did you do anything fun?  We watched the fireworks on the television.  It was nice and cool as there was a breeze coming in through the screen.  We watched the Macy’s fireworks … holy cow … how many barges of fireworks did they have?  It was spectacular!!  It was the first 4th of July that hubby has been home.  Usually he’s working at the lake directing traffic and getting abused by tourists.  But this year, we both sat on the couch and oohed and aahed at the explosions on the screen.

Not much else new.  I’m glad he’s healing quickly, now that he’s sleeping. 

Hope y’all have a great rest of the week.  Talk at ya later!

Little of this, a little of that

First of all, thank you all for your well wishes!  Knowing you are with my in thoughts and prayers has helped quite a bit!  

Hubby is home.  As of yesterday he hadn’t slept since surgery.  However, we have an awesome ENT who explained the sensations he was going through and the anxiety of not wanting to sleep.  He’d fall asleep and jerk awake with  his heart racing and feeling like he was drowning.  One more med to help him relax and he was able to sleep last night and as I type, he’s sleeping soundly on the couch. 

Did I mention how great this doc is?  He makes his own phone calls and he calls to check up on his patient.  I would definately recommend him for this area!!

I have mixed feelings about going to work Thurs. and Fri.  We definately need the money, especially since hubby isn’t working for a couple of weeks.  I think if he gets sleep today and a good night’s sleep tonight, I’ll feel better about leaving him alone. 

It’s supposed to be cooler the next two days, so the house should be comfortable.  I know I was complaining about winter last week, but I would have liked to had a little more spring, instead of jumping right into summer with no A/C!!   All I can think of is that I’m melting the excess fat on my body!!  LOL

I guess I really have more of this and hardly any of that, as I have been so consumed with hubby and his recovery.  I barely know what day it is!  Having to play nurse these past few days … I mean, taking vitals (BP, Temp & Blood Sugar) as well as dishing out meds … I realize I am not cut out for the nursing field!!  Before surgery I was thinking of going back to school, but after surgery … NO WAY!  LOL … it’s really not that bad, but watching the nurses in the hospital, staying late for surgery/recovery and then taking care of them after surgery.  Not!!  I guess one lady kept ringing her buzzer and they had just left her room. 

On a good note, the hospital behind the surgical center, had great food!!  I just had to walk the path to the hospital and was rewarded with tasty morsels!  

So this has been my life the last week.  I hope your humpday is good and the downhill to the weekend is even better!

Is this thing on?

Four am and I am awake.  I’ve actually been awake and sitting at this computer since 2:45am.   Hubby usually comes to bed and watches the tele while I’m sleeping, so I need the full eight hours of tossing and turning to get four hours of real sleep. 

Since he has to work today, he didn’t have the tele on all night long.  So I’m thinking, I got my four hours of real sleep and my body decides it’s time to get up!  Yeah, it’s going to be a long day!!  Oh yeah, I’m already yawning and now it is too late to go back to bed.  Then again …

Tomorrow is hubby’s birthday.  I have to work.  I’m torn between fixing dinner at home or going out for dinner.  The bad thing about going out is the expense as I already have the fixings to make a nice dinner.  Ugh, decisions decisions!  I do need to pick up a cake from somewhere before I get home tomorrow night.

Well, I guess I’ll try to go back to bed.  I still have a couple of hours that I can toss and turn before my day starts.  Y’all have a great humpday!!

Woe is me!

Don’t  you hate it when you get into that mood?  Darkness just consumes me when I’m there.  I had awful dark thoughts and it took all day to pull out of it.   What triggered it?  Pride, insecurity, anger, sadness.

Why pride?  Because it was all about what I wasn’t getting.  What I wasn’t doing.   Yeah, it was “all about me!”

Which led to insecurity – I’m not worthy to be among the other moms today.  I’m not worth anything to my children.  They don’t care about me.  No one cares.

Which led to anger – I was getting mad that hubby was still in bed and was still in bed until 2pm or so.  I was getting mad that he didn’t have anything planned for mom’s day.  I was getting mad that he doesn’t have any initiative to think ahead to plan something special for the day or any special day for that matter. 

Which led to sadness and feeling sorry for myself.  

I did send him out for cake last night.  That is after I made dinner! 

Yes, I have issues, but then again, who doesn’t.  I keep making excuses that he stays up all night, that’s why he sleeps so late.  I make the excuses that he still doesn’t feel well, and that’s why he can’t sleep.  I get tired of making excuses!  I get tired of being the one who tries to keep things together.  I just get plain tired! 

So this tired person had a slight melt down yesterday.  But today is a new day and I’m feeling better.