December 5, 2017

It’s no secret that this time of year is depressing for me.  I get sad and start questioning me.  I just finished watching a movie that made me sob.  It reminded me how family is everything, even in the middle of the craziness that is family.  It made me question where I went.  What happened to the me that I was; adventurous, daring, courageous, fun, happy go lucky, independent, etc.  Somewhere in my adulthood, I lost that person.  It made me question my childhood; why I get this way during the holidays, why I remember things different from my siblings, is what I remember a lie or my version of the truth.

I look at my husband and wonder where we went.  The couple we were when we first got together.  We’d be adventurous and explore.  Now we act like old people and don’t do anything.  The thing is, we aren’t old.  Our bodies may have limits, but we lack the sense of adventure that we used to have.  Where did we lose that couple?

How do we get that couple back?  Do we want that couple back?  Do we want to be a couple?  Yeah, things that go through my head.  Probably not a good thing to watch movies that question these things. However, isn’t it good to question these things?

I guess if one watches things that present questions to oneself, that self should look at those questions and think them through.  I know, it sounds a lot like work and I’m not keen on looking within myself to find the answers to these questions.  Probably why I remain stuck where I am.

Happy Holidays – Bah Humbug!!!

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May 11, 2016

Today’s devotional is titled “The Lonely Around Us.”

I’ve heard in songs, “Let my heart break for those things that break Yours, God.” If our hearts are to be one with God, then what breaks God’s heart?

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
James 1:27

When I read this, I started thinking that I don’t know any widows or orphans.  Then I was hit over the head with God’s 2 x 4.

I know people that have lost the true love of their life and have been alone after their love’s death.  They are constantly reminded of grief as the life they planned together was cut off too soon.

I also know people that were tragically killed in an auto accident and immediately left 4 children orphaned.

Did I feel God’s heart break over this … yes, I did.  It was almost too unbearable and I was the outsider to these events!

God wants us to love those that are lonely, hurting or lost.  We don’t have to fish slap them in the name of Jesus.  We just need to love them like Jesus.

 

 

May 5, 2016

When we take a vow of “For better or for worse,” do we really mean it?  I know at the excitement of the wedding day and of being together forever, but do we really mean those words, “for better or for worse?”

I know in my marriage we’ve had great times and we’ve also had times where it just about broke our marriage.  We stopped communicating with each other and started communicating with others.  When that happened, we started to think that the other person was really hearing us, instead of our spouse.  All I can say is at one of the breaking points in our marriage, when we were ready to move to opposite ends of the continent, God stepped in and healed our relationship, which healed our marriage.

I’m reminded today in my devotional, that God loves us, for better or for worse.  He loves me through my greatest joys as well as through my darkest of dark.  His love never changes and He never stops loving us!

Now that I’m ill, my husband does many little things for me; helps me get dressed, fixes dinner, helps me in and out of the van, rubs my hands and arms, rubs my shoulders and back, and many more things that I cannot do myself.  When I thank him, he says,”You are my sweetie!  I do these things for my sweetie!”

God loves me.  I am His sweetie and He does these things for His sweetie!!

February 26, 2016

Oh, it looked so close!!  The PCH prize patrol looked like they were in the Midwest where hogs, corn & soybeans were the state’s commodity.  It was promising until the next clue was, the winner does NOT live in the capital of his or her state.  LOL, well that takes me out!!  Bummer … $5,000 a week.  What would you do with that???

It’s been awhile since I’ve played the computer keyboard.  I may hunt and peck on the tablet or phone, but to actually be typing, well, not so much.  Main reason is that I hit the wrong keys while typing.  Not because I don’t know how, as I could, at one point, type 70+ words per minute, but, my hand doesn’t stretch that little bit to reach the next key, just out of the position.  It also may not help that my hands are sitting at an angle.

I’ve been a bit on the blah side.  I’m not sure if I’ve lost my purpose of why I’m here on this earth or if I’m frustrated at the realization of what my body is going through and further realization that I have this f)*&%%g disease!  The anger part is sitting just under the skin and can erupt without too much provocation.  Unfortunately, it’s at hubby.  Sometimes he deserves it, sometimes he doesn’t.  Yes, I do drop F Bombs when I’m angry.  The sailor in me comes out and I wasn’t even in the Navy!!

This month is our annual physical month.  Hubby’s had to do his tests and now I have to do mine.  I’m not happy about the camera up the bum.  The doc wanted to know why I didn’t do it last year.   I told him that I was poked and prodded enough last year, that I refused to go.  So, I guess I’ll have to go this year.  Then I’ll be good for another 10 years … well on that test anyway.

I also have to get a mammogram.  Ugh, my records are in Nevada, so they will have to contact them to get those so they can be compared.  The doc showed hubby how to do my monthly breast exam.  My hands don’t flatten out, so I cannot properly do one (not that I ever did before).  LOL, I was changing shirts and hubby looked at me and said, “Is it time for a breast exam again?”  That cracked me up!

This getting old sh*t is getting, well, old!!  Tests, exams, medications, why in the world did I want to be older when I was a kid?!?!  Oh wait, my youth wasn’t that great.  It was sprinkled with little bits of greatness followed by fear, disappointment, & sadness.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being near 3 of our grandchildren and seeing them every week.  They take away my blues and blahs, but when I’m not with them, I sit in this apartment watching the tele as my brain starts to lose it’s knowledge.  I’m not alone, as it is happening to hubby too.  I know we need to figure out what to do to keep us going, but sometimes, that seems a bit too much like work!  I did get to drive the other day as he was still loopy from his medical test.  It was quite fun and I should do that more often.  I’ll have to make small jaunts here and there, just so that I can feel a little more free.  The walls start to close in on me and it doesn’t help that winter was upon us.  Today is a beautiful day and I’m inside, marinating chicken wings to make fried Adobo wings.  It sounded good to me.  Not sure what I’m making with them, as I’m not as creative as my son.

Tomorrow morning, we are taking our grandson to his ice hockey tournament.  His team is 1st in his league, so he doesn’t have to be there until 10am.  I am excited to go and watch them play.  Near the ice rink is a store called Kolache Factory.  OMGosh … my son took me there last weekend, it was quite good and I look forward to stopping there tomorrow!!    So that’s my looking forward thing for this weekend.  I need to create more looking forward things each week, so I can get out of my rut.

Here’s hoping you all have a great weekend and thanks for stopping by my little blog!!

January 15, 2016

I’ve recently said to a friend that I accept and love her for who she is, the good, the bad & the ugly.  This got me to thinking, that she is more family to  me than a friend.  Which then got me thinking, what are the definitions of each?

Well, according to Merriam-Webster, these are the definitions:

Family:  A group of people who are related to each other

Friend:  One attached to each other by affection or esteem

I got to thinking, isn’t that supposed to be what is a family, attached to each other by affection or esteem?  I thought Merriam-Webster had them switched.  However, reading and hearing the news, people are demonstrating that they are just a group of people who are related to each other.  They lack the affection and esteem toward one another.  That thought made me sad.  My parents taught us that we are family through thick  and thin and that we are to love and respect each of our siblings as sometimes they may be all you have.

As I described my friend above, the actual definition of friend applies.  I think there should be a word in between that describes a friend that is more like family … Framily?  Famiend?  Familfriend?   LOL … I don’t know, but a combination of both.  I suppose Friend will do for now, if I go with the Merriam-Webster definition.  But she is family, as the saying goes, a sister from another mister!!

I am blessed to have family that are friends as well as friends who are family.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I just hope I can pass that on to my next generation.

 

1st Day of September

How did that happen??  I had a slew of things I wanted to do with the grandkids as they were out of school.  Before I knew it, school started and I didn’t get any of them done!!   No trips to Omaha’s zoo or to the state parks.  No fun in the sun.  Granted some days were quite humid, but still!!  Really Sad!

So school has started and our schedule is getting full.  I. LOVE. IT.   The more time with the grand littles, the more the pain hides away as the distraction is what I need!!  Actually what hubby & I both need as he’s been in pain also with his back.

It’s amazing how the pain takes a back seat to the things we do and time we spend with the kids.  Our minds are busy involved with them.  But when we are home alone, oh boy, does our body let us know that the pain we suppressed is rearing it’s ugly head, once again.  Oh well!!  A part of our lives!

How did your summer go?  Do anything interesting?  I’m not sure what we did.  It came & went so fast, that I’ve only got glimpses of memory.  Our friends and sisters came to town.  This month our middle daughter comes out to visit.  I’m so looking forward to it!!

November my sis is flying us to Phoenix for a Thanksgiving family reunion with our Stockton family.  Then we are driving to Las Vegas and will be there for the week after turkey day.   I’m excited to be going.  Not excited about the travel part, but I’m sure I’ll get over it!!

Not much else is knew here.  Hope you all are having a wonderful day!!

Bad Day

This morning is the beginning of a bad day.  Last night my arms hurt so bad and nothing was helping.  Hubby kept rubbing my arms as well as me taking a pain med and muscle relaxer.  Nothing was working, so I asked for prayer, which helped ease the pain to allow me to sleep.

This morning, I started out with a pain med.   Besides my arms, my  stomach and the tops of my legs are aching.  On days like this I want to just lay down and moan.  I know I should just get up and move, but with all these parts aching, I decided to try and blog.  It will be a short blog, but I’m at least getting my fingers moving and taking my brain off the pain.

I haven’t had many bad pain days lately, so this is hitting me pretty hard.

We had friends visit around the 22nd of July.  It was great fun as we visited as well as toured some of the attractions here in our town.  It was sad to see them go, but I was thankful we were able to see them!

This month my sister is flying to KC for a week.  Sometime during that week, she and my other sister are driving up to visit.  Not sure which day that will be, but I’m looking forward to it.

In September, my middle daughter is flying out for a visit.  it will be nice to see her also!!

Well, that’s about all I can update as my brain isn’t getting as distracted as I hoped.  Y’all have a good one!!