Delayed April 30, 2016

I’ve spent 3 days at Thrive Conference Online.  When we lived in Nevada, I went to this conference a couple of times.  Although it is extremely physically exhausting, it is extremely spiritually energizing.  This year was the first year that this conference was provided by an online stream.  With being in Nebraska, I cannot tell  you how much watching online filled my heart and renewed my spirit as I was completely depleted in my faith and full of doubt.  The darkness took over and I was left with the dark, depression, sadness, all things that are not from God.  If you want information on this conference, held at Bayside Church, click here.  If you are a Pastor or involved in ministry, this 3 day conference is one of the best shot in the arms one can get to renew your spirit and continue with your ministry.  I highly recommend this.  The general sessions have great speakers as well as many breakout sessions to choose from.  If you get your tickets now, there is a huge discount.  Get your tickets early as this conference sells out quickly!!

Lincoln Brewster has a new song out called, Oxygen.  Lincoln Brewster is one of the Senior Pastors at this church.  If you haven’t heard this song, check it out on YouTube.  I found a devotional Lincoln did on Oxygen.  It goes well, with the doubt I was having.  It went along with what one of the speakers spoke on.  One of the things that stood out from this speaker, Miles McPherson, was “Acknowledge your doubt then give it to God!”

The questions that was brought up in Lincoln’s first day of the devotional were all questions I’ve asked myself:

  1. Why am I here, low on finances (again?) I added “again”
  2. Why am I here in the doctor’s office getting  this horrible diagnosis?
  3. Why am I here at this impasse in my relationship with my spouse?
  4. Why am I here plagued by doubts and fears?

Wow … like I said, these are questions I’ve asked myself; how about you?

February 26, 2016

Oh, it looked so close!!  The PCH prize patrol looked like they were in the Midwest where hogs, corn & soybeans were the state’s commodity.  It was promising until the next clue was, the winner does NOT live in the capital of his or her state.  LOL, well that takes me out!!  Bummer … $5,000 a week.  What would you do with that???

It’s been awhile since I’ve played the computer keyboard.  I may hunt and peck on the tablet or phone, but to actually be typing, well, not so much.  Main reason is that I hit the wrong keys while typing.  Not because I don’t know how, as I could, at one point, type 70+ words per minute, but, my hand doesn’t stretch that little bit to reach the next key, just out of the position.  It also may not help that my hands are sitting at an angle.

I’ve been a bit on the blah side.  I’m not sure if I’ve lost my purpose of why I’m here on this earth or if I’m frustrated at the realization of what my body is going through and further realization that I have this f)*&%%g disease!  The anger part is sitting just under the skin and can erupt without too much provocation.  Unfortunately, it’s at hubby.  Sometimes he deserves it, sometimes he doesn’t.  Yes, I do drop F Bombs when I’m angry.  The sailor in me comes out and I wasn’t even in the Navy!!

This month is our annual physical month.  Hubby’s had to do his tests and now I have to do mine.  I’m not happy about the camera up the bum.  The doc wanted to know why I didn’t do it last year.   I told him that I was poked and prodded enough last year, that I refused to go.  So, I guess I’ll have to go this year.  Then I’ll be good for another 10 years … well on that test anyway.

I also have to get a mammogram.  Ugh, my records are in Nevada, so they will have to contact them to get those so they can be compared.  The doc showed hubby how to do my monthly breast exam.  My hands don’t flatten out, so I cannot properly do one (not that I ever did before).  LOL, I was changing shirts and hubby looked at me and said, “Is it time for a breast exam again?”  That cracked me up!

This getting old sh*t is getting, well, old!!  Tests, exams, medications, why in the world did I want to be older when I was a kid?!?!  Oh wait, my youth wasn’t that great.  It was sprinkled with little bits of greatness followed by fear, disappointment, & sadness.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being near 3 of our grandchildren and seeing them every week.  They take away my blues and blahs, but when I’m not with them, I sit in this apartment watching the tele as my brain starts to lose it’s knowledge.  I’m not alone, as it is happening to hubby too.  I know we need to figure out what to do to keep us going, but sometimes, that seems a bit too much like work!  I did get to drive the other day as he was still loopy from his medical test.  It was quite fun and I should do that more often.  I’ll have to make small jaunts here and there, just so that I can feel a little more free.  The walls start to close in on me and it doesn’t help that winter was upon us.  Today is a beautiful day and I’m inside, marinating chicken wings to make fried Adobo wings.  It sounded good to me.  Not sure what I’m making with them, as I’m not as creative as my son.

Tomorrow morning, we are taking our grandson to his ice hockey tournament.  His team is 1st in his league, so he doesn’t have to be there until 10am.  I am excited to go and watch them play.  Near the ice rink is a store called Kolache Factory.  OMGosh … my son took me there last weekend, it was quite good and I look forward to stopping there tomorrow!!    So that’s my looking forward thing for this weekend.  I need to create more looking forward things each week, so I can get out of my rut.

Here’s hoping you all have a great weekend and thanks for stopping by my little blog!!

1st Day of September

How did that happen??  I had a slew of things I wanted to do with the grandkids as they were out of school.  Before I knew it, school started and I didn’t get any of them done!!   No trips to Omaha’s zoo or to the state parks.  No fun in the sun.  Granted some days were quite humid, but still!!  Really Sad!

So school has started and our schedule is getting full.  I. LOVE. IT.   The more time with the grand littles, the more the pain hides away as the distraction is what I need!!  Actually what hubby & I both need as he’s been in pain also with his back.

It’s amazing how the pain takes a back seat to the things we do and time we spend with the kids.  Our minds are busy involved with them.  But when we are home alone, oh boy, does our body let us know that the pain we suppressed is rearing it’s ugly head, once again.  Oh well!!  A part of our lives!

How did your summer go?  Do anything interesting?  I’m not sure what we did.  It came & went so fast, that I’ve only got glimpses of memory.  Our friends and sisters came to town.  This month our middle daughter comes out to visit.  I’m so looking forward to it!!

November my sis is flying us to Phoenix for a Thanksgiving family reunion with our Stockton family.  Then we are driving to Las Vegas and will be there for the week after turkey day.   I’m excited to be going.  Not excited about the travel part, but I’m sure I’ll get over it!!

Not much else is knew here.  Hope you all are having a wonderful day!!

Social Media

How do you use your personal social media?  Is it for posting pictures of family & friends?  Spewing your anger?  Venting your opinions?

How would your social media presence change if what you posted was meant to love others versus promoting your pride, positions, and accomplishments?

Interesting question!  I admit, I do have my ranting sessions on this web page.  Sometimes this is my only rant venue, ranting as Dobegil.  However, does this questions make you go … hummmm?

God gave me humor.  It may be a little twisted and quirky but it’s from Him.  So I try to use my humor in most cases.  I’m not 100% spot on, but I am going to try and be more humorous!

So … How would your social media presence change if what you posted was meant to love others versus promoting your pride, positions, and accomplishments?  Leave me a comment with your thoughts.

How do animals blend into the desert?

With Camel-Flage

What’s new?

Other than my last post being in April?  That’s bad, I was trying to do better at posting but I’ve been lazy.

My Scleroderma continues to be a pain.  About 4 weeks ago, I was put on Methotrexate.  I was scared to death to take the first dose because of all the bad side effects!  Thankfully, my doctor has treated this disease for over 30 years and he knows how to prescribe this drug.  I take 3 pills on Wednesday and 3 pills on Thursday.  The rest of the week, I take Folic Acid to help cut down on the side effects.  So this is my 4th week on this drug.  On the days I take this drug, I can feel weak.  I’ll sit down or lie down until the energy returns.  I also drink, 2 bottles of Boost on the 2 days I take the drug.  I really like the Rich Chocolate.

How is this drug supposed to help with Scleroderma?  Well, from what I understand, it’s supposed to help with the pain and itchiness of my skin.  Is it working?  I’m not sure.  But it’s still too early, it can take a few months before we know.  The bad part is they have to constantly moniter my blood to see what adverse effects my body may have to Methotrexate.  Before I started this drug, I asked the prayer warriors on Facebook to pray to protect me from these side effects.  Prayers do wonderful things!!

I still have issues with my lungs having 65% function, so that will also be something they watch.  I have brain fog dyslexia, no not a real thing, but something I deal with.  My brain gets a little confused and I’ll say or think dyslexic.  Here’s an example:  I went to step around my son’s dog, saw her ear and told myself to NOT step on her ear and I stepped on her ear, causing her to squeal and jump up.  Another example, I’ll think in my brain correctly, but say the opposite.  Or it will take me a while to think of a word or name of something.  Yes, I’m getting older, but it feels like pulling teeth to get my brain and mouth to coordinate.

There are days that I want to just give up.  BUT, that really isn’t an option.  The only way I get through each day is my faith in God and relationship with Jesus.  He is the reason I get through my days with this disease.  He helps me through the struggle, the pain, the frustration and keeps me from giving up and quitting.   The other one that gets me through this, is my husband.  He’s always there for me and does what he can to massage the pain from my arms, back & neck.  The ones that help me forget about the aches and pains are my grandchildren.  Spending time with them helps get my mind off of this body!

This is a disease that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, however, if you find yourself diagnosed with this disease and would like to talk, let me know in the comments.

If you are new to Scleroderma, click here for a site that will give you tips for living with this disease.

Friday, April 3, 2015

This morning I was pleasantly surprised by a text that the kids wanted to come over.  As I got out of bed and dressed, they were already knocking on the door.  They had run over to our place.  LOL … that was too funny.  We talked for a little bit, then watched the recorded Dancing with the Stars while our grandson was playing a game on the computer.  Then they switched, our granddaughter played on the computer and he watched the turtles.  Once grandpa was up, we went to lunch at Raising Cains.  If you have a Raising Cains in your area and they are running an event about used cell phones, well, that’s a pretty good deal.

The deal runs through the end of April.  If you turn in an old used cell phone, and buy one meal & a drink, you get another meal of equal or lesser value free  (but you will need to buy a drink for the free meal.)  We turned in two used cell phones and got two free meals, such a great deal!  Why do they want used cell phones?  I’m so glad you asked.  They recycle them and in turn get calling cards to send to the troops out of the country to call home.  I told you it was a good deal!!

I’ve been reading a book titled, Heaven, by Randy Alcorn.

What is your idea of Heaven?  Boring or exciting?   What is your idea of hell?

In reading the first three chapters of Heaven, I desire to have my final destination to be Heaven.  I would not want to be in hell as “…the wicked suffer terribly, are fully conscious, retain their memories and reasoning, long for relief, cannot be comforted, cannot leave their torment and are bereft of hope. (Luke 16:19-31)…”  “Christ says the unsaved ‘will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth’ (Matthew 8:12)”

There are many times that the Bible describes hell as a place of weeping and gnashing of teeth.  That doesn’t sound like a pleasant way to spend eternity to me.  I’d rather be in Heaven where I am with family, being loved, and most of all, with my Savior.  I can’t think of a better way to spend eternity.

In the dark, all alone, in pain, fully conscious and longing for relief that never comes, weeping and gnashing of teeth … um, no thanks, being in the light and love and peace and no pain in a new body is where I want to be.  Easter weekend – Thank You, Jesus, for suffering and paying a debt that I could not pay and thinking of me when you were suffering and dying on the cross.

He was despised and rejected—
    a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
We turned our backs on him and looked the other way.
    He was despised, and we did not care.

Yet it was our weaknesses he carried;
    it was our sorrows that weighed him down.
And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God,
    a punishment for his own sins!
But he was pierced for our rebellion,
    crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
    He was whipped so we could be healed.
All of us, like sheep, have strayed away.
    We have left God’s paths to follow our own.
Yet the Lord laid on him
    the sins of us all.

Isaiah 53:3-6 NLT