Don’t you hate it when you get into that mood? Darkness just consumes me when I’m there. I had awful dark thoughts and it took all day to pull out of it. What triggered it? Pride, insecurity, anger, sadness.
Why pride? Because it was all about what I wasn’t getting. What I wasn’t doing. Yeah, it was “all about me!”
Which led to insecurity – I’m not worthy to be among the other moms today. I’m not worth anything to my children. They don’t care about me. No one cares.
Which led to anger – I was getting mad that hubby was still in bed and was still in bed until 2pm or so. I was getting mad that he didn’t have anything planned for mom’s day. I was getting mad that he doesn’t have any initiative to think ahead to plan something special for the day or any special day for that matter.
Which led to sadness and feeling sorry for myself.
I did send him out for cake last night. That is after I made dinner!
Yes, I have issues, but then again, who doesn’t. I keep making excuses that he stays up all night, that’s why he sleeps so late. I make the excuses that he still doesn’t feel well, and that’s why he can’t sleep. I get tired of making excuses! I get tired of being the one who tries to keep things together. I just get plain tired!
So this tired person had a slight melt down yesterday. But today is a new day and I’m feeling better.