Who comes first?

bratsjourney | June 06, 2007 16:54

When one of your children get married, who comes first in their relationship?  Besides God being the ultimate first, who is next?

When our kids are unmarried, we as parents have a special bond and relationship with them.  We as parents are their supporters, cheerleaders, advisors, shoulder to cry on, their everything.  However, when our kids find that someone in their lives to marry, our role as parents is to step back.  We can still be those things to our kids, however, we cannot be first in line anymore. 

When our kids got married, we told them the person on this earth that is to come first is your spouse.  Not your mom, not your dad, not your siblings, not your grandma/grandpa, aunts or uncles, your spouse comes first.  Who comes next?  Your children.  Therefore, your immediate family (spouse and children) come first before moms, dads, siblings, grandparents, yada yada yada. 

So why is it so hard to do?  Newly married brides want to be wanted by the in-laws.  Want to be accepted by their husband’s family.  Newly married grooms want to be accepted by their wife’s family.  The desire of wanting to be accepted by each others families can be so stressful, so hurtful, so painful, so sad.   I’m not saying it is only the new couple’s feelings, however, the family of that bride or groom now has to accept a new person into their family. 

The dad who’s daughter was the apple of his eye, now has to accept this man and trust him with his daughter.  The mom who’s son is the closet thing in her life, now has to accept this woman and trust her with her son.   That dad may not think he’s good enough for his daughter.  Or that mom may not think she’s good enough for her son.  However, it doesn’t matter.  It isn’t up to them. 

The parents need to realize that their child has someone who is the love of their life.  The parents need to realize, though it may be difficult, that this person is a part of the family, and, out of love and respect for your son and/or daughter, you need to love and respect their choice for their spouse.  I’m not saying it is easy.  I’m saying, we as parents have to take the time to get to know the new member of the family, whether it’s the son or daughter-in-law.  We need to have an open mind and be accepting of that person.  That person can bring so much to a family, if only the parents give them a chance and get to know them.  Not harbor resentment toward the person who is replacing the parent’s place in line.

Same goes for the new spouse.  Their new family can also bring so much to their lives, if only the new spouse gives the parents a chance and get to know them.  Not harbor resentment for the new family. 

It’s so easy for us as parents to do things with our own children.  Because we know them and understand them.  However, the thought of doing things with a new person, one that we don’t know or one we’ve judged to be a certain way, can be difficult.  We have to open our hearts and our minds to that new family member and respect them, love them, listen to them.  They will one day, be parents to your grandchildren.

It’s amazing how satan can worm his way into our Christian lives.  He loves it when we have resentment in our hearts.  He loves it when we are selfish with our time and wanting to spend it only with our children and not accepting our new family member.  He loves it when he can cause that friction in our lives and make a relationship hard.  We have to realize that satan is working so hard binding those chains of resentment, selfishness, judgment and envy around us so all we can see is the dark and the negative. 

Ask God to break those chains and change our hearts so we are rid of satan’s evil temptations.  Ask God to remove the resentment, selfishness, envy and forgive us for falling into satan’s plan.  Ask God to fill us with the Holy Spirit to guide us and shine the light so bright that we can see without the dark and negative shades of satan.  Ask God to teach us to love one another and not judge each other.  Judging is not our job.  It is God’s. 


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