Last year, I enrolled in a writing class for children’s literature. I have completed 5 or 6 assignments and took a leave of absense. My reasons: 1) my mom got sick and died; 2) I found out I had diabetes; and 3) the next assignment frightened me. The assignment was to write a story about a child and include what that child likes, how he talks, etc. It frightened me because I don’t have any children around me to do my observation. Which is really a lame excuse, since I have my experiences with my grandchildren I can draw upon. Also I could go to the library for children’s story time or to the book store for the same thing. So what is my problem?
I honestly don’t have an answer to that. All the things I was doing when my mom passed, I have no desire to go back to. I used to do Tai Chi for 2 hours on Saturday morning. My husband and I would ballroom dance on Friday nights. I was doing my writing assignments faithfully. The only thing I can think of is that I still feel bad. When my sister called me on a Monday to tell me she was sick again, my week was full. I had to finish my assignment by Thursday and Friday was ballroom dancing. I told her I wouldn’t be able to come until Saturday after my Tai Chi class. I also told her that these were things that I truly enjoyed and didn’t want to miss them.
Well, as it turns out, I missed them anyway. Mom was really sick this time. I flew home on Tuesday and mom passed away on Sunday, which happened to be Mother’s Day. So no, I haven’t gone back to those things. I can’t even get motivated to go back. I was so selfish and I truly regret those words now. Maybe one day I’ll be able to forgive myself.
What stirred these thoughts again, is I received a letter from the school, advising me that my assignment is past due and my leave of absence is up. What to do, what to do. Guess I had better check out the assignmnet instructions again and see if it still frightens me.