Assignment, what assignment?

Last year, I enrolled in a writing class for children’s literature.  I have completed 5 or 6 assignments and took a leave of absense.  My reasons: 1) my mom got sick and died; 2) I found out I had diabetes; and 3) the next assignment frightened me.  The assignment was to write a story about a child and include what that child likes, how he talks, etc.  It frightened me because I don’t have any children around me to do my observation.   Which is really a lame excuse, since I have my experiences with my grandchildren I can draw upon.  Also I could go to the library for children’s story time or to the book store for the same thing.  So what is my problem? 

I honestly don’t have an answer to that.  All the things I was doing when my mom passed, I have no desire to go back to.  I used to do Tai Chi for 2 hours on Saturday morning.  My husband and I would ballroom dance on Friday nights.  I was doing my writing assignments faithfully.   The only thing I can think of is that I still feel bad.  When my sister called me on a Monday to tell me she was sick again, my week was full.  I had to finish my assignment by Thursday and Friday was ballroom dancing.    I told her I wouldn’t be able to come until Saturday after my Tai Chi class.  I also told her that these were things that I truly enjoyed and didn’t want to miss them.

Well, as it turns out, I missed them anyway.  Mom was really sick this time.  I flew home on Tuesday and mom passed away on Sunday, which happened to be Mother’s Day.  So no, I haven’t gone back to those things.  I can’t even get motivated to go back.  I was so selfish and I truly regret those words now.  Maybe one day I’ll be able to forgive myself. 

What stirred these thoughts again, is I received a letter from the school, advising me that my assignment is past due and my leave of absence is up.  What to do, what to do.  Guess I had better check out the assignmnet instructions again and see if it still frightens me.

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