Flyers in Driveway

We still get flyers thrown in our driveway inside a plastic cover every week.  We don’t subscribe to it, it just appears on each and every driveway in the neighborhood.   MOST of the neighbors pick it up and throw it away.  EXCEPT for THE neighbor next door.  She insists on leaving it out there until it blows into our yard and hubby picks it up and throws it away.  Her excuse is that she didn’t order it and she wasn’t going to pick it up!

Really?  Are you that consumed with yourself that you cannot bend at your waist to pick up the flyer and put it in your trash?!?!   She could have the social service person that cleans her house do it when they are here!!  Why does it bother me?  Because she won’t do it and if hubby doesn’t it will be in our yard until he throws it away.  I know what I would like to do with it, however, that wouldn’t be very Christian of me!

Well, that’s the thing that is bugging me today!  HAH – stay tuned to what it will be tomorrow!  :-)

 

 

Happy New Year, 4 days late

I started the new year with a bang – sick – again!  I am not amused nor amazed!  Of course, hubby is worst than me.  All I can say is – Not. Again.

I was so happy to say goodbye to 2013.  It was a rough year, starting from the beginning.  I had high hopes that 2014 would be better, that is until we came down sick.  There’s an awful flu going around that can turn into viral pneumonia.  I’m worried that is what the hubs has.   Being viral, well, not much they can do.  He’s been on antibiotics to keep any infection at bay, but his ribs are hurting evrytime he coughs or sneezes.   He does have the strong cough syrup, I may give him another dose so he can sleep.

Looking out my window, the sky is blue and the sun is shining bright.  I have the front door open to let some air in.  I really just want to go out there and wander.  My knees are not letting me do too much wandering these days.  They hurt and I wince, sometimes scream, when I have to move them.  I’m not thrilled that the right knee is getting as bad as the left.

The time is getting closer for the new grand-baby’s arrival.   I can’t wait to meet this little bundle of joy.  Thankfully both mom  & baby are doing well.

Not much else is going on from this side of the computer.   I hope you have a great weekend!

 

That’s it

This is about all the decorating I’m doing this year.  Now, it’s difficult to put a tree up and take it down.  So, I don’t think I’ll be doing any decorating.  Which is okay, the kids don’t come around during the holidays, so it’s easier to not even bother.

We are going away for the night of my birthday.  We’re spending the night at South Lake Tahoe and I took the next day off, so we don’t have to hurry back to town.  Now that we are animal free, we can spend the night somewhere and not have to worry about muttley.  The deal includes 2 dinners & 2 breakfasts as well as a room.  This package runs until Dec. 20th, but will pick up again after the 1st of the year.  YAY!

We had a blast at Thanksgiving!  I haven’t laughed so hard or that much in a long long time!  Thanks, S4L for having us over!!!  I was down the next two days, one because I was very tired; the other, because it’s the holidays.  And you know me and the holidays – those dang blues get to rearing their ugly head.  So I spent 2 days in bed watching McMillan and Wife on Netflix.

I’m doing better now – I forced myself out of bed on Sunday to do laundry & dishes.  I knew if I stayed in bed another day, I wouldn’t be able to move come Monday.  When hubby got home, we wandered to the craft fair across the street and bought an ornament for the exchange at the Women’s Bible Study group.  Today I had to fight my knee pain.  When I finally got home, I took a pain pill and started feeling better.

Not much else new – just hanging in.

 

No Title, Just Feelings

So here I lie – well, not really, as I’m sitting up in bed, watching “What a Girl Wants.”

I’m frustrated that I’m sick and the antibiotics don’t seem to be working – I still feel crappy.  I love that the doc is sending another RX to the pharmacy – hopefully this new one will work.

I’m looking at my arms and seeing the change in my skin.  The sores, the rippling, the bumps & scarring – I don’t recognize my body anymore.  My hands are looking crippled and dark and my knuckles are red.

My throat hurts – not sure if it’s because I’m sick or if it’s this disease – or both.  It’s not fun – this craziness going on in my body.

I’m sad and scared – not of dying, but of not seeing  my kids & grandkids.

I’m frustrated that I don’t have a good relationship with any of them.  I know I’m probably to blame – but I don’t know what to do.  I did the best I could – but obviously it wasn’t good enough for them.

Sometimes I want to just give up – feeling unloved by my kids.  They don’t care – sometimes I wonder why I do.

I wish I had the money to do a bucket list.  Just go off and do what I’ve always wanted with hubby so we can live our last years together & make memories.  That’s a wish I’d love to happen.

It’s hard to think that one day I may be leaving this world.  Sometimes it’s depressing – but I know I’ll be going to home to Jesus – when the time comes.

I need to get our finances together & organized so when I do go, it’s not a complete disaster for Hubby.

I also wish my daughter had a forgiving heart.  She just cuts everyone off that confronts her – I pray she opens her mind and God softens her heart so she can truly accept things & be loving – to know what love is.  I miss her a lot!  I miss a close relationship with her.  I miss doing things together.  I just miss her.

I miss all my kids – maybe one day they’ll visit – hopefully it won’t be when it’s  too late and I’m not mobile or worse yet, during my memorial.

I’d ask them over for Thanksgiving, but I know I’d be disappointed as they would rather spend time with others than with me.

I may be sad – I may be depressed – I may be frustrated – but that’s how I’m feeling at this moment.

I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself.  Feeling unloved and neglected by my children.  This is probably how my mom felt with us.  What goes around, comes around, I suppose.

Hah – Woe is Me – I spend the days being sad – covering up as much as I can,  but still sad inside.

At times I think I should just buck  up and let it go, other times – not so much.

Dog, Yard & X-rays

We’ve been dog sitting a Cocker Spaniel this past week.  His mom and dad come home sometime on Saturday and they’ll pick him up on Sunday.  I’ve really enjoyed having this dog around.  He is such a good boy and so loving.   Hubby just told the dog that he can’t tell his parents what we let him do.  LOL, yes, we’ve spoiled him.  Hopefully he’ll adjust to being home quickly.

One of our friend’s son needed extra money to get his phone fixed.  We had him over to rake the back yard as neither hubby nor I can do the yard.  It’s difficult with his messed up tendons in his elbow and my ridiculous disease.  He did a great job!!!

I’ve written my speech and now I need to memorize it.  It didn’t turn out like I thought it would, but I think it will be interesting.

I know my hubby tries to be supportive in all that I’m going through, but sometimes things get a little too overwhelming for him.  The other day his anger and frustration about not being able to fix it came out.  I feel bad as neither of us can do anything about it, just wait and see what’s next that the doc has to treat.  I now have to get X-rays on both knees.  It is never a dull moment in my world.

I’ve found a Vegan Blog with yummy sounding desserts, well yeah, it also had food, but I miss desserts!!  I got onto this blog because last night I had Kung Pao Tofu at the Chinese restaurant in town.  It’s now my new favorite thing to order there.  So I was trying to find recipes to make it at home.  I’m really missing  my sweets.

Anyway, thought I’d stop in and hear myself talk!  Y’all have a great weekend!!!

 

 

There I go thinking again!

Yesterday at work, was a Memorial Service, as it was a smaller group of about 75 we had the service in the Student Ministries Room.  After the service they did a small reception in the same room.  The kitchen for this room also serves as the employee kitchen, so I was able to stand behind the curtain and hear some of what was said by the family & friends and watch the video.

Before the service, I was giving the pastor that was doing the service, a bad time. We kibitz back and forth all the time.  After he went through the door to do the service, I looked at the ladies I work with and said, “When I die, I want him to do my service.  So remind my hubby of that in case he forgets!”

One of the ladies, looked at me and said, “Of Course!!”

So I told her, “Because he does such a great job at it!!”

Then she looked at me and said, “And because of the working relationship you two have – that is just a given!”

I laughed and said, “Well, you know, the other 2 Elders can jump in and speak, but I want him to be the main one!”

That got me thinking, as it is inevitable that I will be leaving this earth, sometime, that I should start preparing my requests for my memorial.  If I get it spelled out, that would take the guess work and worry off my surviving family members.  They wouldn’t have to think what I would like, but would know what I would like.

So, I had better get to working on that!

 

 

 

Melt Down

Yes, I finally melted down last Saturday night.  I was thinking of my longevity and started feeling unloved & unappreciated as I thought about my children and how they haven’t visited in a long time.  One did visit in March, but it was on the way to a funeral.  We did get to keep 2 of the 3 grandchildren overnight, which was great fun!!  With talk of returning sometime this summer, my hopes were dashed as summer is now over and the school year has started.

So, yeah, all the self-talk going on in my head just became too overwhelming and I lost it.  Hubby was so great at just holding me as I cried.  The next morning, he stayed home with me as I continue to cry uncontrollably.

I know my kids have their lives, which we’ve always told them that their immediate family (spouse & children) come first before anyone else, but one would hope all or any of them would visit more often.

As much as my husband was supportive, my son was just as much, with his words of encouragement and support.  He’s always been the one child that lets me into his life, whether good or bad.  It’s not favoritism, however, he is the farthest away, yet, he’s the closest, as he calls more often.

We’ve taught our children to be independent … It sucks that we did too good of a job!!

 

Too Much

I’ve been on a Vegan Diet due to my disease.  Trying not to eat any animal anything, including fish has been interesting.  I haven’t really craved anything, but, sometimes I miss cheese and eggs.  I’m dreaming about crab and shrimp, but so far I’m staying strong and not caving.  (Well, except for a flat bread pizza I had at Chilis.  I had 3 pieces and felt like a slow moving yak!)

I have to admit, that between my medication and this diet, I am feeling so much better.  Plus, I’m not having the strong reaction to my one medication.  I can’t explain it, but reaction is gone.

So this past Monday, I awoke and wasn’t feeling great.  I was feeling tired, but I got ready for work and ended up leaving in the afternoon as I was feeling real weak and tired.  Tuesday, I wasn’t any better, I was too tired to get out of bed.  I didn’t go to work that day.  Hubby had to work, so I was home alone.  I kept hearing, get out of bed and check your blood.  Finally I dragged myself out of bed, check my blood and it was at 80.  The more I moved around, the worst I felt.  I ate breakfast, took my meds and went back to bed.  All day, I still didn’t feel well.  I continued to stay in bed, only getting out to eat and potty.

When hubby got home, I got up and checked my blood again, it was at 88.  I tried to fix dinner but I had to eat something as I felt my blood sugar dropping.  When I started to lose my hearing, I knew I was at critical stage.  So I zapped a potato and sat and ate before I went into shock.

While I was eating the potato, it dawned on me.  For the past 3-4 days, I’ve noticed my blood sugar dropping each day.  I saw the reading, knew they were going lower, but it wasn’t registering that I needed to adjust my diabetes medicine.  I take a maximum of 1 pill and 2 of another.  My meds were dropping my sugars to an unhealthy level and I wasn’t picking up on the clue my body was giving me.

That night, after we had dinner, I took 1 glipizide.  The next morning, I was back in the healthy reading and have been feeling better since.

Sometimes I forget to listen to my body and the hints it gives me that it needs attention.  You can bet I am back in tune listening and feeling what it is wanting.

What has your body told you lately, that you haven’t been listening to?  You may find it could save your life.

Oh Boy!

As the doc was 90% sure I have Lupus, he was waiting for the 4th of 11 indicators to appear so he could be 100% sure I had Lupus.  At my rheumy doc appointment this last week, I kept telling him that my hands and feet are swollen and sore and there are times I can’t walk.  I also explained that when I have a good day it takes 2 – 3 days to recover.

So he looked at my hands and feet and what I was feeling as swollen from my end, was really tightening of the skin.  As it is obvious that I have some type of connective tissue auto-immune disease, he is now thinking I have Scleroderma.  Reason for “thinking” is that my blood test didn’t show positive for this (yet), however, my feet and hands weren’t swollen, he couldn’t even gather the skin as they were very tight, which is why it made it difficult for me to walk and hold things.  That’s why he’s thinking it’s the “S” disease.   To find out more about Scleroderma, click on the link above.

New treatment is 2.5mg of Prednisone twice a day and I’m back on the Plaquinil (Maleria Meds and if the severe side effects return, I’m to discontinue) and a plant based diet (God help me!).  As most of you know, this was the disease I was afraid of having, as my sister died of complications of Scleroderma.   I don’t know what I’m supposed to be learning from this, I keep asking God for direction and strength and courage to fight and not give up.

After taking the steroid and maleria drug that night, I can now curl my toes, when before they were too stiff to move.  So there is hope!!!  Unfortunately, there is no cure, but the symptoms can be treated.

Now, whether I have this on top of Lupus is unknown.  Lupus, Scleroderma and Rheumatoid Arthritis are all in the same family, so it is possible.  I have to get a chest X-ray for a base line, just in case the Scleroderma excellerates.    My regular doc also wants me to have a bone density test as this disease sucks the calcium from my bones.

I also asked my regular doc why I’m losing body mass … sad to hear that it is also my disease.  It not only sucks the calcium, but it attacks the muscle .  I’m just glad I had a lot of extra weight to lose as I’ve lost 5 more pounds since I saw him a month ago.

Hubby isn’t doing too well either.  He’s having issues with his sinuses and the tubes in his ears.  So he’s on heavy duty antibiotics and quite a bit stronger dose of prednisone.   The steroid is really affecting his blood sugar & causing jitters.  As of yesterday afternoon, he’s been having an equilibrium problem.  He tries to walk straight and ends up walking sideways.

So that is life on my end of the computer, how is yours?

Happy Independence Day

July 4th – wow – where is this year going?

What are your plans for the day?  As we live in a small town, the park 2 blocks from our house is having a big celebration.  Hubby is home today, which is a rarity.  He usually has to work on the 4th.  So we may wonder down to the park and check it out.  Maybe, just maybe, stop at our neighbor’s house across from the park and hang out with them.  I like walking and not driving on this day!

Have a Happy and Safe Holiday!!!