Flyers in Driveway

We still get flyers thrown in our driveway inside a plastic cover every week.  We don’t subscribe to it, it just appears on each and every driveway in the neighborhood.   MOST of the neighbors pick it up and throw it away.  EXCEPT for THE neighbor next door.  She insists on leaving it out there until it blows into our yard and hubby picks it up and throws it away.  Her excuse is that she didn’t order it and she wasn’t going to pick it up!

Really?  Are you that consumed with yourself that you cannot bend at your waist to pick up the flyer and put it in your trash?!?!   She could have the social service person that cleans her house do it when they are here!!  Why does it bother me?  Because she won’t do it and if hubby doesn’t it will be in our yard until he throws it away.  I know what I would like to do with it, however, that wouldn’t be very Christian of me!

Well, that’s the thing that is bugging me today!  HAH – stay tuned to what it will be tomorrow!  :-)

 

 

Happy New Year, 4 days late

I started the new year with a bang – sick – again!  I am not amused nor amazed!  Of course, hubby is worst than me.  All I can say is – Not. Again.

I was so happy to say goodbye to 2013.  It was a rough year, starting from the beginning.  I had high hopes that 2014 would be better, that is until we came down sick.  There’s an awful flu going around that can turn into viral pneumonia.  I’m worried that is what the hubs has.   Being viral, well, not much they can do.  He’s been on antibiotics to keep any infection at bay, but his ribs are hurting evrytime he coughs or sneezes.   He does have the strong cough syrup, I may give him another dose so he can sleep.

Looking out my window, the sky is blue and the sun is shining bright.  I have the front door open to let some air in.  I really just want to go out there and wander.  My knees are not letting me do too much wandering these days.  They hurt and I wince, sometimes scream, when I have to move them.  I’m not thrilled that the right knee is getting as bad as the left.

The time is getting closer for the new grand-baby’s arrival.   I can’t wait to meet this little bundle of joy.  Thankfully both mom  & baby are doing well.

Not much else is going on from this side of the computer.   I hope you have a great weekend!

 

That’s it

This is about all the decorating I’m doing this year.  Now, it’s difficult to put a tree up and take it down.  So, I don’t think I’ll be doing any decorating.  Which is okay, the kids don’t come around during the holidays, so it’s easier to not even bother.

We are going away for the night of my birthday.  We’re spending the night at South Lake Tahoe and I took the next day off, so we don’t have to hurry back to town.  Now that we are animal free, we can spend the night somewhere and not have to worry about muttley.  The deal includes 2 dinners & 2 breakfasts as well as a room.  This package runs until Dec. 20th, but will pick up again after the 1st of the year.  YAY!

We had a blast at Thanksgiving!  I haven’t laughed so hard or that much in a long long time!  Thanks, S4L for having us over!!!  I was down the next two days, one because I was very tired; the other, because it’s the holidays.  And you know me and the holidays – those dang blues get to rearing their ugly head.  So I spent 2 days in bed watching McMillan and Wife on Netflix.

I’m doing better now – I forced myself out of bed on Sunday to do laundry & dishes.  I knew if I stayed in bed another day, I wouldn’t be able to move come Monday.  When hubby got home, we wandered to the craft fair across the street and bought an ornament for the exchange at the Women’s Bible Study group.  Today I had to fight my knee pain.  When I finally got home, I took a pain pill and started feeling better.

Not much else new – just hanging in.

 

No Title, Just Feelings

So here I lie – well, not really, as I’m sitting up in bed, watching “What a Girl Wants.”

I’m frustrated that I’m sick and the antibiotics don’t seem to be working – I still feel crappy.  I love that the doc is sending another RX to the pharmacy – hopefully this new one will work.

I’m looking at my arms and seeing the change in my skin.  The sores, the rippling, the bumps & scarring – I don’t recognize my body anymore.  My hands are looking crippled and dark and my knuckles are red.

My throat hurts – not sure if it’s because I’m sick or if it’s this disease – or both.  It’s not fun – this craziness going on in my body.

I’m sad and scared – not of dying, but of not seeing  my kids & grandkids.

I’m frustrated that I don’t have a good relationship with any of them.  I know I’m probably to blame – but I don’t know what to do.  I did the best I could – but obviously it wasn’t good enough for them.

Sometimes I want to just give up – feeling unloved by my kids.  They don’t care – sometimes I wonder why I do.

I wish I had the money to do a bucket list.  Just go off and do what I’ve always wanted with hubby so we can live our last years together & make memories.  That’s a wish I’d love to happen.

It’s hard to think that one day I may be leaving this world.  Sometimes it’s depressing – but I know I’ll be going to home to Jesus – when the time comes.

I need to get our finances together & organized so when I do go, it’s not a complete disaster for Hubby.

I also wish my daughter had a forgiving heart.  She just cuts everyone off that confronts her – I pray she opens her mind and God softens her heart so she can truly accept things & be loving – to know what love is.  I miss her a lot!  I miss a close relationship with her.  I miss doing things together.  I just miss her.

I miss all my kids – maybe one day they’ll visit – hopefully it won’t be when it’s  too late and I’m not mobile or worse yet, during my memorial.

I’d ask them over for Thanksgiving, but I know I’d be disappointed as they would rather spend time with others than with me.

I may be sad – I may be depressed – I may be frustrated – but that’s how I’m feeling at this moment.

I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself.  Feeling unloved and neglected by my children.  This is probably how my mom felt with us.  What goes around, comes around, I suppose.

Hah – Woe is Me – I spend the days being sad – covering up as much as I can,  but still sad inside.

At times I think I should just buck  up and let it go, other times – not so much.

Dog, Yard & X-rays

We’ve been dog sitting a Cocker Spaniel this past week.  His mom and dad come home sometime on Saturday and they’ll pick him up on Sunday.  I’ve really enjoyed having this dog around.  He is such a good boy and so loving.   Hubby just told the dog that he can’t tell his parents what we let him do.  LOL, yes, we’ve spoiled him.  Hopefully he’ll adjust to being home quickly.

One of our friend’s son needed extra money to get his phone fixed.  We had him over to rake the back yard as neither hubby nor I can do the yard.  It’s difficult with his messed up tendons in his elbow and my ridiculous disease.  He did a great job!!!

I’ve written my speech and now I need to memorize it.  It didn’t turn out like I thought it would, but I think it will be interesting.

I know my hubby tries to be supportive in all that I’m going through, but sometimes things get a little too overwhelming for him.  The other day his anger and frustration about not being able to fix it came out.  I feel bad as neither of us can do anything about it, just wait and see what’s next that the doc has to treat.  I now have to get X-rays on both knees.  It is never a dull moment in my world.

I’ve found a Vegan Blog with yummy sounding desserts, well yeah, it also had food, but I miss desserts!!  I got onto this blog because last night I had Kung Pao Tofu at the Chinese restaurant in town.  It’s now my new favorite thing to order there.  So I was trying to find recipes to make it at home.  I’m really missing  my sweets.

Anyway, thought I’d stop in and hear myself talk!  Y’all have a great weekend!!!

 

 

There I go thinking again!

Yesterday at work, was a Memorial Service, as it was a smaller group of about 75 we had the service in the Student Ministries Room.  After the service they did a small reception in the same room.  The kitchen for this room also serves as the employee kitchen, so I was able to stand behind the curtain and hear some of what was said by the family & friends and watch the video.

Before the service, I was giving the pastor that was doing the service, a bad time. We kibitz back and forth all the time.  After he went through the door to do the service, I looked at the ladies I work with and said, “When I die, I want him to do my service.  So remind my hubby of that in case he forgets!”

One of the ladies, looked at me and said, “Of Course!!”

So I told her, “Because he does such a great job at it!!”

Then she looked at me and said, “And because of the working relationship you two have – that is just a given!”

I laughed and said, “Well, you know, the other 2 Elders can jump in and speak, but I want him to be the main one!”

That got me thinking, as it is inevitable that I will be leaving this earth, sometime, that I should start preparing my requests for my memorial.  If I get it spelled out, that would take the guess work and worry off my surviving family members.  They wouldn’t have to think what I would like, but would know what I would like.

So, I had better get to working on that!

 

 

 

Melt Down

Yes, I finally melted down last Saturday night.  I was thinking of my longevity and started feeling unloved & unappreciated as I thought about my children and how they haven’t visited in a long time.  One did visit in March, but it was on the way to a funeral.  We did get to keep 2 of the 3 grandchildren overnight, which was great fun!!  With talk of returning sometime this summer, my hopes were dashed as summer is now over and the school year has started.

So, yeah, all the self-talk going on in my head just became too overwhelming and I lost it.  Hubby was so great at just holding me as I cried.  The next morning, he stayed home with me as I continue to cry uncontrollably.

I know my kids have their lives, which we’ve always told them that their immediate family (spouse & children) come first before anyone else, but one would hope all or any of them would visit more often.

As much as my husband was supportive, my son was just as much, with his words of encouragement and support.  He’s always been the one child that lets me into his life, whether good or bad.  It’s not favoritism, however, he is the farthest away, yet, he’s the closest, as he calls more often.

We’ve taught our children to be independent … It sucks that we did too good of a job!!