Tonight I was feeling discouraged and loss of hope.  So strong that I was mad, sad, frustrated and felt that I don’t have a purpose.   What is God’s purpose for me?  I’ve wasted my healthy years thinking of me and now that I’m not well, I’m still thinking of me.

How do I proceed to do what God put me on this earth to do without being bogged down with thinking about what I’m going through.  How my body is changing with Scleroderma.  How do I go through the physical changes and not get so discouraged?

While sitting in my pitty party, God smacked me up side the head and told me to look up the verses in the Bible on Discouragement.

There are several that struck me and thanks to hubby’s Life Application Bible, I was able to go through the verses and read the commentaries.

The ones I highlighted in my Bible are:  Deuteronomy 1:22; Deuteronomy 31:8; Joshua 1:9; Joshua 8:1; 1 Chronicles 22:13; 1 Chronicles 28:20; 2 Chronicles 20:15; 2 Chronicles 20:17; Job 4:5; Isaiah 42:4; and Ephesians 3:13.

Over and over I’m reminded Do not be afraid, to be strong and courageous.  Do not be discouraged.

In the commentaries of these verses, one said the only way to lose is to give up.  Giving up is something I think about.  What if I just gave up and stayed in bed all day long every day.  So when I read, “The only way to lose is to give up” – well that got my attention.

Another commentary really hit home as I’ve got some things to face and deal with.  In 1 Chronicles 28:20 it says, “Be strong and courageous and do the work.  Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord God is with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished.”  The commentary of this said to not be frightened of this task.  Fear can immobilize us.  The size of a job, it’s risks or pressure of the situation can cause us to freeze and do nothing.  One remedy of fear is found here; instead, get to work – getting started is often the most difficult and frightening part of a job.  Yes, I’ve been hit by God’s 2 x 4 again.  It’s such a simple solution, but a hard one in the flesh.

The best commentary is about 2 Chronicles 20:15 – We may not fight an enemy army, but every day we battle temptation, pressure & rulers of this dark world, who want us to rebel against God.  Remember as believers, we have God’s Spirit in us.  If we ask God’s help when we face struggles, God will fight for us and God always Triumphs.

I love the list of how to let God fight for us:

  1. By realizing the battle is not ours, but God’s
  2. By recognizing human limitations & allowing God’s strength to work through our fears & weakness.
  3. By making sure we are pursuing God’s interest and not just our own selfish desires.
  4. By asking God for help in our daily battles.

Why do I try to do things in my own strength.  Why do I get discouraged when it says right there that He is with me, fighting for me?

What started out as a very discouraged, no hope evening has turned into a comfort and encouragement from my Heavenly Father.  I can’t wait to attack the next verses on Hope and Illness.

Dog, Yard & X-rays

We’ve been dog sitting a Cocker Spaniel this past week.  His mom and dad come home sometime on Saturday and they’ll pick him up on Sunday.  I’ve really enjoyed having this dog around.  He is such a good boy and so loving.   Hubby just told the dog that he can’t tell his parents what we let him do.  LOL, yes, we’ve spoiled him.  Hopefully he’ll adjust to being home quickly.

One of our friend’s son needed extra money to get his phone fixed.  We had him over to rake the back yard as neither hubby nor I can do the yard.  It’s difficult with his messed up tendons in his elbow and my ridiculous disease.  He did a great job!!!

I’ve written my speech and now I need to memorize it.  It didn’t turn out like I thought it would, but I think it will be interesting.

I know my hubby tries to be supportive in all that I’m going through, but sometimes things get a little too overwhelming for him.  The other day his anger and frustration about not being able to fix it came out.  I feel bad as neither of us can do anything about it, just wait and see what’s next that the doc has to treat.  I now have to get X-rays on both knees.  It is never a dull moment in my world.

I’ve found a Vegan Blog with yummy sounding desserts, well yeah, it also had food, but I miss desserts!!  I got onto this blog because last night I had Kung Pao Tofu at the Chinese restaurant in town.  It’s now my new favorite thing to order there.  So I was trying to find recipes to make it at home.  I’m really missing  my sweets.

Anyway, thought I’d stop in and hear myself talk!  Y’all have a great weekend!!!



If I drank, I’d be having one!!!

An ending to a crap day.   Don’t ya just love those?  I went to the eye doc for a check up.  I’ve been a bit disappointed as my right eye is still blurry even with my new glasses.  So he says my cataract has grown.  I may need to have that surgery.  I have to go to his office in Carson because he has the scanner at that office.  So … I’m so friggin’ thrilled I could throw a nice heavy rock through my window, just to hear the glass break!  In my mind, I’m already breaking every thing in sight, including the televisions.   I’m mad, sad, scared and disappointed.  Aren’t you glad you are not me?

Now What?

Sometimes I think to myself … Lord, you can come anytime, I’m ready to be done with this body.  Then I think of my grand-babies and know I”m not ready to leave them.  This past week was one of those times when I was ready for Him to come.

Something new and exciting for me … Wet Macular Degeneration … for information on this, click here.   I’m not sure how I feel about it and I’m not thrilled there is no cure, but I’m thankful there is something they can do to try and slow down the progression of the vision loss.

I found out on Thursday afternoon that I had this and the doc wanted to get me in the next day to get the testing done right away., however, his and my schedule just wasn’t going to work.   I’m not thrilled there is a week wait, but then again, I need the week to prepare myself.  I’ve gone through all the normal initial reactions and now I’m slowly getting to acceptance.  It is, what is it and with God’s grace and guidance, strength, comfort and peace, I’ll get through this.   There have been times I’ve been sad, angry, frustrated and plain ticked off, but I’m working through it.

Thursday is the day I go through 2 hours of testing so my eye doc can determine the next plan of action.  Prayers are welcome and I’ll keep y’all posted.

Now back to my regular scheduled rant

Do you all know what day it is??  Normally it would be the income tax deadline, however, this year it is April 17th.  But still … as usual … I’ve waited until today to do the lovely paperwork.  Why do I wait so long?  Because it never fails, I have to pay at the end of the year, which really ticks me off.   I always hear about people getting really great refunds, etc.  What the heck is their secret??  They must be way better record keepers than I am!  Yes, I would like some cheese with my whine, Thank you very much!!

Of course, I could cook up great deductions, etc … however, that wouldn’t be right and besides, I would be the one that got caught!  So, I play by the rules and get (blanked) every year.  I really dislike this time of year!

I’m feeling sort of better.  Throat doesn’t hurt as much, it’s just irritated as my sinuses keep draining.  Fourth day of antibiotics and one would think I would be feeling great!  Yeah, not quite the case, but I am ssssoooo ready to go back to work.  Daytime TV is not entertaining!  The only things worth while watching are the NCIS reruns.

Well, I stopped in to rant and rave … I guess I’ll sign off.  I need to do the dishes.  Oh goody!!

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Tragedy in our small community

I’m sure most of you have heard by now that there was a shooting at IHOP in Carson City.  Why this person started his shooting spree is not known, but he now faces his maker for this senseless act.  Four people are now dead, 3 of which were National Guard.  There were five of them eating at this restaurant.  There were many others injured.

The church I belong and work, sits in the middle of Carson Valley, so half way between Carson City and the town where I live.  It has shaken our church family as there was a church family member and their extended family eating at the restaurant.  Thankfully they were not injured, physically, however, mentally will be an image, memory and sounds only God can erase, especially from the children’s minds. 

I ask for prayers for our small community.  For healing to all those in that restaurant who were injured one way or another.  For comfort and strength to the families of the dead and the injured.  For extra comfort for the shooter’s family and friends, especially their parents.  I cannot imaging what I would be feeling if one of my children or grandchildren went on a shooting spree.

So prayers for all of us in this small area to somehow move past this and images erased from those who were there.

Fire and Ice

This morning I was mad.  I was so mad I could feel the anger bubbling and the resentment building that I wanted to just explode and scream and yell.  Knowing that isn’t what Jesus would do, I sat and gave it all to God, my anger, my yelling, my madness, my resentment.  I feel so much better and the red I was seeing is fading away.  I’m pretty happy about that as my throat is sore and yelling and screaming isn’t something that would do me good.

When I went to the doc on Tuesday about my sore throat, I asked him about my hip.  I’m not thrilled about his diagnosis.  With the symptoms  I gave him, turns out I have Sciatica.  Basically, a nerve is being pinched, because my disc in my lower back is protruding out.  I’m supposed to stay off my feet as much as possible.  If it doesn’t calm down, it will eventually need surgery.  The minute he said the “S” work, I decided to find alternative help.

Yesterday I went to the chiropractor.  He put me on the decompression table, which is a traction table.  It really felt good and soon I felt circulation in my feet … which I had no idea I was lacking.  After that he adjusted my back and neck.  I have to go through several treatments and I’m hopeful that it will relieve the problem.  He also gave me an ice pack, which I am to use as often as possible.

My GP gave me antibiotics for my throat.  It isn’t on fire like it was, but it is still sore.    So I just want to sit here and eat my sorrows away.   Probably not a good thing, but getting comfort from food is my downfall!! 

I guess I had better get the hubby up, so he can go to the eye doc.  Y’all have a great Thursday.  I’ll be going back and forth between the couch and the bed with my trusty ice pack and glass of water.

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Those of you that comment or read my wacky thoughts are a big part of my virtual world and I wish you all a wonderful day today!

I know I’ve been scarce on my postings.  Not a whole lotta stuff going on from this side of the computer.    So, let’s see what comes out of these fingers today.

Last week I had to work all week.  Our salesman’s father had fallen and was having major health issues.  So our salesman flew to Texas to help and take care of what needed to be done.    He was away all last week, so I was to help in the office.  I know how tough this was for the salesman, as they’ve told him that his father now has alzheimers.   He’s had to move his dad into a nursing home as he no longer can care for himself.  Recently our salesman lost his mom.  His dad and mom were married over 60 years.  It’s wierd how when a couple have been together that long and one dies, the surviving spouse usually goes within a year.  I wonder why that is. 

Our oldest daughter will be giving birth to our new grand-daughter in March.  That is so exciting!  We can’t wait to see pictures!!

Our middle daughter will be running a marathon in Las Vegas, also in March.  That is so exciting also.  Since hubby has to take a class in Vegas that same weekend, I may check out the route and see if I can go stand there and cheer her on.

Our son is driving to Vegas in April, for his half sister’s wedding and bringing the grandbabies.  We are going to try and drive down so hubby can see the grandbabies.  He hasn’t seen them in a couple of years.

Somewhere before all this I need to get the front brakes replaced.  HAH, all it takes is money.  I sure wish this money tree in the backyard would start growing!!

Something we’ve had to come to grips with is that if we cannot afford to go somewhere, then we can’t go.  We end up missing alot of what our children and our grandchildren are going through, but we see them with the pictures that are posted.   People think we don’t care or that we care only for one more than the other, which is just a bunch of horse crap!!  We are parents and grandparents and we care for each and everyone one of our children/grandchildren.    We don’t live close to any of the kids, so trying to attend a special event is a major event for us.   So to those that think poorly of us for not being there for our children and grandchildren, I feel sorry for you.  Until you’ve walked in our situation and circumstances, you have no right to judge.  Besides, judging isn’t your job … It’s God’s!

Alrighty then … where did all this come from?!?!  I guess it’s been building inside me for the past few days from a comment left by an extended family member.  I read it and it sounded like a dig.  The more I thought about it, the more it festered that how dare this person make a remark like that when they have no idea what we are going through.  So I guess I had to get it all out here.  Sorry guys, but thanks for reading through my rant as I feel so much better now.  And hey, it’s MY BLOG and if I want to rant and rave … I can … HAH!

LOL - welcome to a Tim Burton’s version of Valentine’s Day!!  

I guess I’ll go root around in the fridge and see what there is to eat.   I may have to dig up some coins for chocolate!  Chocolate, the all over feel good remedy!

And I shaved my legs for this?

How do I describe my boss … let’s say he’s similar to Steve Carrell’s character in The Office as he’s clueless.    I work for a narcissist and a pathological liar, which makes for roller coaster work days.  Those of us in the office that answer the phones spend the majority of our work day apologizing for his behavior and careless operating procedures.  Oh wait, what am I saying … there are no operating procedures, it’s his decission, his way, it doesn’t matter what the customer or anyone else asks for. 

His standard answers are:  “NO!”  “We’ll get there when we get there!”  “We’ve tried to do this job 10 times and they are never ready!  So now they have to wait!!”  “We’ve tried to do this job and no one is around!  So now they’re out of luck!!” “Not gonna happen!” “I don’t care!”  “Tell them you can’t find me!”  “We need to raise our prices!  Everyone esle is!”   “I’m on the phone!!!”  “Don’t bother me, Woman!!”  “What do you want?”

These comments we get on a daily basis. As of January, 2011, I will have been there 11 years.  Some have been there 20+ years.  I’m still trying to figure out, why this person is one of my bosses. 

I work for a window, glass and shower subcontractor.  When you want a job done, isn’t it wise to schedule a job BEFORE the crew is sent out?  Oh yeah AND call the customer first TO SCHEDULE THE JOB so they will be there or can make arrangements to let you in?  Well, in the real world that is usually how things work. 

However, in my boss’ world, he will dish out the work orders, to his crew – NOT SCHEDULE ANY OF THEM – then gets upset when the customers are not there and the guys bring the orders back not completed.  Which always leads to this comment, “We’ve tried to do this job 10 times and they’re never ready!”

He wonders why we don’t get window jobs anymore.  He’ll deliver windows WITHOUT calling.  He’ll drop them off at the job.  Or if he calls, he’ll let it ring a couple of times and hang up, that way he can say, “Well, I called them!!”  Which usually means the office staff will then have to hear from the customer, “What Moron delivers windows without letting me know?  I’m not at that job!  I hope all those windows are still there!!” 

I think you get a glimpse of what we deal with.  Since business is down and what work we do have, he keeps them in piles.  As we do not have work orders in the computer, we have to physically search for them in the many places they might be.  Most of the time, they are on his desk, that is, after he says, “Nope, I’ve never seen that!” 

Yesterday, he was out working in the shop driving the shop foreman crazy.  Then when he got tired, he went back to his office to get on his cell phone to talk to his buddies around the country.  While he was on his cell phone, which isn’t hooked up to the main phone system, so I cannot tell he’s yacking, a customer came in to ask when he could reschedule a job that we couldn’t do.  I called upstairs to ask and was met with, “I’m on the phone!!!” 

Then I said, “Can you just answer,” and with that I hear the office phone go flying.  Now mind you, the upstairs is an office made out of the loft area.  So there are some things one can hear from downstairs.  I looked at the customer and said, “Can I get back to you on that, since he’s thrown his phone across the room?”    I got his phone number so I could get back with him.  I think that was the straw that broke my back.  I was so mad!  It took everything I had to sit in my chair and not march upstairs to tell him off.  I should have told him to start behaving like an owner of the company instead of a disgruntled employee!!  Which may be what I’ll say to him, the next time he throws a tantrum!

Yeah, I can feel a knock down, drag out fight brewing in our office.  If it isn’t with the two owners, it’s going to be the office manager and this owner.  Or who knows, it may be all of us! 

Welcome to … a day in the life of our office.  Ready for a good laugh??  Not two weeks before, did he give the office manager and the salesman the speech on how we need to give the best customer service we can.  LMAO – when they told me what he said, I looked at them and said, “Really!  Did you tell him to just turn that finger back at himself?!?!”

So how was your Friday??


From a total stranger or distant acquaintance would I expect this, but from a family member to put us on ignore, really sets off the rage-o-meter!

Yeah, warning … ranting goin’ on here!  Why do they even bother having a cell phone if they won’t answer it or even reply to a text message.   Is it so hard to say, yes or no??  I mean come on, you are an adult and you can say, yes or no … it doesn’t matter, just make a decision so we can get on with ours!!!  ARGH!!

Common courtesy … answer your damn phone or text!!!