Discouraged

Tonight I was feeling discouraged and loss of hope.  So strong that I was mad, sad, frustrated and felt that I don’t have a purpose.   What is God’s purpose for me?  I’ve wasted my healthy years thinking of me and now that I’m not well, I’m still thinking of me.

How do I proceed to do what God put me on this earth to do without being bogged down with thinking about what I’m going through.  How my body is changing with Scleroderma.  How do I go through the physical changes and not get so discouraged?

While sitting in my pitty party, God smacked me up side the head and told me to look up the verses in the Bible on Discouragement.

There are several that struck me and thanks to hubby’s Life Application Bible, I was able to go through the verses and read the commentaries.

The ones I highlighted in my Bible are:  Deuteronomy 1:22; Deuteronomy 31:8; Joshua 1:9; Joshua 8:1; 1 Chronicles 22:13; 1 Chronicles 28:20; 2 Chronicles 20:15; 2 Chronicles 20:17; Job 4:5; Isaiah 42:4; and Ephesians 3:13.

Over and over I’m reminded Do not be afraid, to be strong and courageous.  Do not be discouraged.

In the commentaries of these verses, one said the only way to lose is to give up.  Giving up is something I think about.  What if I just gave up and stayed in bed all day long every day.  So when I read, “The only way to lose is to give up” – well that got my attention.

Another commentary really hit home as I’ve got some things to face and deal with.  In 1 Chronicles 28:20 it says, “Be strong and courageous and do the work.  Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord God is with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished.”  The commentary of this said to not be frightened of this task.  Fear can immobilize us.  The size of a job, it’s risks or pressure of the situation can cause us to freeze and do nothing.  One remedy of fear is found here; instead, get to work – getting started is often the most difficult and frightening part of a job.  Yes, I’ve been hit by God’s 2 x 4 again.  It’s such a simple solution, but a hard one in the flesh.

The best commentary is about 2 Chronicles 20:15 – We may not fight an enemy army, but every day we battle temptation, pressure & rulers of this dark world, who want us to rebel against God.  Remember as believers, we have God’s Spirit in us.  If we ask God’s help when we face struggles, God will fight for us and God always Triumphs.

I love the list of how to let God fight for us:

  1. By realizing the battle is not ours, but God’s
  2. By recognizing human limitations & allowing God’s strength to work through our fears & weakness.
  3. By making sure we are pursuing God’s interest and not just our own selfish desires.
  4. By asking God for help in our daily battles.

Why do I try to do things in my own strength.  Why do I get discouraged when it says right there that He is with me, fighting for me?

What started out as a very discouraged, no hope evening has turned into a comfort and encouragement from my Heavenly Father.  I can’t wait to attack the next verses on Hope and Illness.

Dog, Yard & X-rays

We’ve been dog sitting a Cocker Spaniel this past week.  His mom and dad come home sometime on Saturday and they’ll pick him up on Sunday.  I’ve really enjoyed having this dog around.  He is such a good boy and so loving.   Hubby just told the dog that he can’t tell his parents what we let him do.  LOL, yes, we’ve spoiled him.  Hopefully he’ll adjust to being home quickly.

One of our friend’s son needed extra money to get his phone fixed.  We had him over to rake the back yard as neither hubby nor I can do the yard.  It’s difficult with his messed up tendons in his elbow and my ridiculous disease.  He did a great job!!!

I’ve written my speech and now I need to memorize it.  It didn’t turn out like I thought it would, but I think it will be interesting.

I know my hubby tries to be supportive in all that I’m going through, but sometimes things get a little too overwhelming for him.  The other day his anger and frustration about not being able to fix it came out.  I feel bad as neither of us can do anything about it, just wait and see what’s next that the doc has to treat.  I now have to get X-rays on both knees.  It is never a dull moment in my world.

I’ve found a Vegan Blog with yummy sounding desserts, well yeah, it also had food, but I miss desserts!!  I got onto this blog because last night I had Kung Pao Tofu at the Chinese restaurant in town.  It’s now my new favorite thing to order there.  So I was trying to find recipes to make it at home.  I’m really missing  my sweets.

Anyway, thought I’d stop in and hear myself talk!  Y’all have a great weekend!!!

 

 

If I drank, I’d be having one!!!

An ending to a crap day.   Don’t ya just love those?  I went to the eye doc for a check up.  I’ve been a bit disappointed as my right eye is still blurry even with my new glasses.  So he says my cataract has grown.  I may need to have that surgery.  I have to go to his office in Carson because he has the scanner at that office.  So … I’m so friggin’ thrilled I could throw a nice heavy rock through my window, just to hear the glass break!  In my mind, I’m already breaking every thing in sight, including the televisions.   I’m mad, sad, scared and disappointed.  Aren’t you glad you are not me?

Now What?

Sometimes I think to myself … Lord, you can come anytime, I’m ready to be done with this body.  Then I think of my grand-babies and know I”m not ready to leave them.  This past week was one of those times when I was ready for Him to come.

Something new and exciting for me … Wet Macular Degeneration … for information on this, click here.   I’m not sure how I feel about it and I’m not thrilled there is no cure, but I’m thankful there is something they can do to try and slow down the progression of the vision loss.

I found out on Thursday afternoon that I had this and the doc wanted to get me in the next day to get the testing done right away., however, his and my schedule just wasn’t going to work.   I’m not thrilled there is a week wait, but then again, I need the week to prepare myself.  I’ve gone through all the normal initial reactions and now I’m slowly getting to acceptance.  It is, what is it and with God’s grace and guidance, strength, comfort and peace, I’ll get through this.   There have been times I’ve been sad, angry, frustrated and plain ticked off, but I’m working through it.

Thursday is the day I go through 2 hours of testing so my eye doc can determine the next plan of action.  Prayers are welcome and I’ll keep y’all posted.

Now back to my regular scheduled rant

Do you all know what day it is??  Normally it would be the income tax deadline, however, this year it is April 17th.  But still … as usual … I’ve waited until today to do the lovely paperwork.  Why do I wait so long?  Because it never fails, I have to pay at the end of the year, which really ticks me off.   I always hear about people getting really great refunds, etc.  What the heck is their secret??  They must be way better record keepers than I am!  Yes, I would like some cheese with my whine, Thank you very much!!

Of course, I could cook up great deductions, etc … however, that wouldn’t be right and besides, I would be the one that got caught!  So, I play by the rules and get (blanked) every year.  I really dislike this time of year!

I’m feeling sort of better.  Throat doesn’t hurt as much, it’s just irritated as my sinuses keep draining.  Fourth day of antibiotics and one would think I would be feeling great!  Yeah, not quite the case, but I am ssssoooo ready to go back to work.  Daytime TV is not entertaining!  The only things worth while watching are the NCIS reruns.

Well, I stopped in to rant and rave … I guess I’ll sign off.  I need to do the dishes.  Oh goody!!

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Tragedy in our small community

I’m sure most of you have heard by now that there was a shooting at IHOP in Carson City.  Why this person started his shooting spree is not known, but he now faces his maker for this senseless act.  Four people are now dead, 3 of which were National Guard.  There were five of them eating at this restaurant.  There were many others injured.

The church I belong and work, sits in the middle of Carson Valley, so half way between Carson City and the town where I live.  It has shaken our church family as there was a church family member and their extended family eating at the restaurant.  Thankfully they were not injured, physically, however, mentally will be an image, memory and sounds only God can erase, especially from the children’s minds. 

I ask for prayers for our small community.  For healing to all those in that restaurant who were injured one way or another.  For comfort and strength to the families of the dead and the injured.  For extra comfort for the shooter’s family and friends, especially their parents.  I cannot imaging what I would be feeling if one of my children or grandchildren went on a shooting spree.

So prayers for all of us in this small area to somehow move past this and images erased from those who were there.

Fire and Ice

This morning I was mad.  I was so mad I could feel the anger bubbling and the resentment building that I wanted to just explode and scream and yell.  Knowing that isn’t what Jesus would do, I sat and gave it all to God, my anger, my yelling, my madness, my resentment.  I feel so much better and the red I was seeing is fading away.  I’m pretty happy about that as my throat is sore and yelling and screaming isn’t something that would do me good.

When I went to the doc on Tuesday about my sore throat, I asked him about my hip.  I’m not thrilled about his diagnosis.  With the symptoms  I gave him, turns out I have Sciatica.  Basically, a nerve is being pinched, because my disc in my lower back is protruding out.  I’m supposed to stay off my feet as much as possible.  If it doesn’t calm down, it will eventually need surgery.  The minute he said the “S” work, I decided to find alternative help.

Yesterday I went to the chiropractor.  He put me on the decompression table, which is a traction table.  It really felt good and soon I felt circulation in my feet … which I had no idea I was lacking.  After that he adjusted my back and neck.  I have to go through several treatments and I’m hopeful that it will relieve the problem.  He also gave me an ice pack, which I am to use as often as possible.

My GP gave me antibiotics for my throat.  It isn’t on fire like it was, but it is still sore.    So I just want to sit here and eat my sorrows away.   Probably not a good thing, but getting comfort from food is my downfall!! 

I guess I had better get the hubby up, so he can go to the eye doc.  Y’all have a great Thursday.  I’ll be going back and forth between the couch and the bed with my trusty ice pack and glass of water.